Do unto others

This is likely to come as a surprise to many people...blurring the line between perception and reality. But in my personal life I tend not to be very confrontational. Not in serious matters, that is. I don't like to fight or argue...I'm more likely to ignore you. I always hope the problem will just go away. I don't want to talk about how I'm feeling or what makes me angry. I don't like getting into escalating accusations of wrong doing. This probably stems from growing up with a verbally abusive mother. Someone to this day who will declare her love for me...and with the next breath rip me to shreds for some small perceived infraction. Yes...amazingly enough I am still working on that relationship. That seems to be an ongoing battle of mine. I have a really hard time walking away. I will hold on to the last thread of hope that things can be fixed. There doesn't seem to be a limit to my capacity for self punishment.


Everything will be fine as long as the other person, who may be unaware of the rules, agrees to play by them. Go sulk somewhere else...and when you feel better and get your head on straight, we'll talk, When others don't agree to my terms is when the problems arise. They'll do something...maybe to get my attention, this is when the evil light in my brain starts flashing. They've unknowingly and unfortunately triggered the retribution response.


Now the phrase "Do unto others" seems to float to the forefront of my brain. The last half of the phrase seems to be a little foggy. Sometimes I take the easy road with some small token of my disdain. But then I begin to see more of that phrase as the angry fog lifts...not really. There actually is a part of me, that's been there as long as I can remember, that tells me, even in anger, that I will regret the action at hand later. I believe this is the component my Mother...who also liked to throw things like coffee cups at televisions, lacked. So I remind myself that just because someone wants to act like an ass...I don't have to respond as such. This sometimes has the effect of leaving that person feeling like their efforts have gone unnoticed...which only annoys them more. So see...in the end, I still win.