My mother is OCD...that's Obsessive Compulsive. So is my son. If you've never lived with an OCD person I can not explain the joy that it is. Though everyone varies depending on their focus and severity. My mother is a clean freak. I've seen her scrub the corners of the kitchen floor with a toothbrush. She used to trash my room when I was a kid because I didn't keep it neat enough. She'd turn my drawers upside down into the floor, toss my clothes out of the closet, pull the mattress off my bed...all because her perception was the room was disorganized. I would come home from school to a room that Hurricane Norma had just passed through, with instructions of, "Now do it right."
My father was bipolar, formerly known as Manic Depressive. I don't remember ever seeing my Dad as manic, maybe because that is where I live. Dad always seemed one step away from suicide...something I used to blame my Mom for, as living with her was not easy. Now I realize that he was dealing with his own issues not necessarily hers.
I am painfully aware that I did not fall far from the tree. Especially when I see some of these issue passed on to my children. I have been very, very fortunate, as I learned early on to take control.
When my son was diagnosed OCD (the 1st time I'd seen a name for what I'd seen in my mother my entire life), we went through a lot of counseling. The psychiatrist told me that I had an extremely strong personality. This won't come as a surprise to anyone that has met me. He was honestly surprised that I had never tried to commit suicide. It has been necessary for me to maintain control of my emotions in order to survive.
I fight depression with activity. Not hard for a manic, but sometimes the energy is hard to maintain. Being quiet and still are not good for me. That hole is deep, and a lot easier to fall into than climb out. I have learned to control the OCD to be a good example for my son. I now at least resist the demand, simply because my mind seems to have settled on it...relentlessly. It's like having a song stuck in your head, that won't go away. I see something that "needs to be done" and it can become a single solitary thought...a grove your mind is stuck in until it's resolved. It's isn't easy...but there are fewer grooves now days, and they don't seem as deep. The biggest thing, is just being aware. I have to know in order to control. Never believe that these are nice tidy little issues. No, the human mind is not that simple. I am a nice little package of issues...are you surprised? There is Manic Compulsive...Energizer bunny on a mission. Manic Obsessive...the person you want to clean your house. Unfortunately, I only seem to get half done before the manic phase passes. The body can only maintain that energy level for so long. This is also the times when I'm usually not sleeping. We won't discuss the depressed mania or compulsive...those would be homicidal and suicidal.
Explains a lot doesn't it?
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