May 04, 2010

An endless circle.

My son is going to have a son, he's going to be a father. My other son will be an Uncle. I will be...

I have had a while to try this new identity on for size and I still can't seem to get it to fit...grandma, mamaw, nana. I don't know any of those people. This isn't about age...hello, 48. I will be 50 in twenty months, 2 days. It's about identity. I have been a daughter, a wife, a mom. I have been a student, an employee and a housewife. Being the mother of a child with a child shouldn't be all that different from being the mother of the child. I had never been the mother of a child before the first child came along but I never thought about the role. I just accepted it. If you followed that logic, here's your A...that and $5 will get you coffee at Starbucks.

But as I write out that twisted tangle of logic, a light illuminates darkened corners. That is why I write. Sometimes, magical things happen at unexpected moments.

It isn't about the age or the title, one that will most likely be chosen for me by my son and I will have little control over, it's about the life changing event...that I had absolutely no control over. There will be this new little family member. He will change everything. Every holiday, every occasion, every thought. He will change everyone of us. He may even change how we see each other. Scarier still he may change how I see myself...nah.

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