You never die if someone remembers your name.
February 15, 2013
Flashbacks
You never die if someone remembers your name.
February 09, 2013
Manipulation of the masses
TV is the greatest manipulator. It's not just advertisements either. You know they are trying to sway you. But have you considered the shows you watch? It seems over the last few years everyone decided that stainless steel appliances and granite counter tops are necessities. Why? I think it's from watching home improvement shows...brought to you by companies that sell those products. Clothing manufacturers have manipulated us into buying new, each season, to be fashionable. Now our homes must be fashionable. I was actually quite proud when my son started looking to buy a home and hasn't once complained about the lack of granite counter tops...and he's just grateful that the homes have appliances.
Do I have stainless steel and granite in my home? No. Even after a total gut and remodel.
Do I have stainless steel and granite in my home? No. Even after a total gut and remodel.
February 06, 2013
Reminiscing about vacation...already
A couple of things came to mind today, for whatever reason.
We were in Cancun January 19-26, it was cooler and some days, cloudier...we actually had rain all day one day, something we had not seen in five years.
Ginny and I decided to try the pool one day, we had spent most of our "water time" in the ocean, the pool was frigid. The first step in was shocking, but I continued to slowly descend the stairs...laughing all the way and encouraging Ginny (still on the first step, I think) to join me. Mind you, I normally would have been doing the back stroke by this point. I stood in the pool, laughing. Ginny on the steps, laughing...she may have come down another. When suddenly, out of nowhere, cannonball! Icy water displaced...all over us, of course. We were still laughing, fortunately for the guy, who climbed from the pool laughing. He'd been pool side watching our snails pace and decided to assist in our acclimation. I'm not sure if I ever managed to lay back. Brrrrr!
One night, the hotel closed most of the restaurants and the chefs presented a Mayan inspired buffet in the banquet room. There was some very delicious foods and a show, but what surprised us more than anything was the sweet potato tequilatini...no, that is not a typo. In the entry hall they had set up three drink stations. We tried the first one, a coconut and corn concoction, that was surprisingly not as bad as it sounds. We passed on the second, as I recall, it involved peppers. The third station, was past the doors to the banquet room and I think fewer people had wandered down that far. This is where we discovered a sweet potato cocktail. I like sweet potatoes, but never, ever, would I have considered them as an ingredient in a drink. The drink was made with a sweet potato puree, agave puree and I believe, cream...and of course, tequila. Put in a shaker with ice then strained into a martini glass. It was unbelievable! So glad I tried it.
I didn't take a picture of my drink, so you get a photo of a couple of the performers instead. They were incredible too. So much strength.
We were in Cancun January 19-26, it was cooler and some days, cloudier...we actually had rain all day one day, something we had not seen in five years.
Ginny and I decided to try the pool one day, we had spent most of our "water time" in the ocean, the pool was frigid. The first step in was shocking, but I continued to slowly descend the stairs...laughing all the way and encouraging Ginny (still on the first step, I think) to join me. Mind you, I normally would have been doing the back stroke by this point. I stood in the pool, laughing. Ginny on the steps, laughing...she may have come down another. When suddenly, out of nowhere, cannonball! Icy water displaced...all over us, of course. We were still laughing, fortunately for the guy, who climbed from the pool laughing. He'd been pool side watching our snails pace and decided to assist in our acclimation. I'm not sure if I ever managed to lay back. Brrrrr!
One night, the hotel closed most of the restaurants and the chefs presented a Mayan inspired buffet in the banquet room. There was some very delicious foods and a show, but what surprised us more than anything was the sweet potato tequilatini...no, that is not a typo. In the entry hall they had set up three drink stations. We tried the first one, a coconut and corn concoction, that was surprisingly not as bad as it sounds. We passed on the second, as I recall, it involved peppers. The third station, was past the doors to the banquet room and I think fewer people had wandered down that far. This is where we discovered a sweet potato cocktail. I like sweet potatoes, but never, ever, would I have considered them as an ingredient in a drink. The drink was made with a sweet potato puree, agave puree and I believe, cream...and of course, tequila. Put in a shaker with ice then strained into a martini glass. It was unbelievable! So glad I tried it.I didn't take a picture of my drink, so you get a photo of a couple of the performers instead. They were incredible too. So much strength.
February 02, 2013
Sometimes I think too much
Sorry, I'm not sharing my secrets today. I'm even having trouble putting my thoughts into words...keeping it generic.
There are certain things I'd like to believe about myself. It is hard when reality interferes with this perception of self.
There are certain things that I believed made others value me. Or maybe it's how I felt valued. It is hard when that slips away.
There are certain things I believe that contradict other things I believe.
My brain hurts.
There are certain things I'd like to believe about myself. It is hard when reality interferes with this perception of self.
There are certain things that I believed made others value me. Or maybe it's how I felt valued. It is hard when that slips away.
There are certain things I believe that contradict other things I believe.
My brain hurts.
February 01, 2013
Attraction
My husband and I were discussing dating, first impressions and attraction today. We've been married 30 + years, so it's been a long time since we dated. First, we had to agree on the definition of attraction. To my husband, when he hears attraction, he thinks of physical appearance. I think of that connection between two people, I guess what some people call chemistry.
He expressed a few things about what he finds attractive that surprised me. Maybe because it's what I want to be...but have, at times, felt like he was fighting me.
He said he didn't need a beauty queen. He wants a woman with backbone. One that was independent and not rely totally on him. One that had a life outside of the marriage. A smart woman.
Thirty years ago he wanted a stay at home mom. He planned to be the sole bread winner. He actually said to me, once upon a time, that no wife of his would work. He expected that I would be relying on him. Our marriage would be insular. Our marriage would be like his parent's.
He made me feel good today.
He expressed a few things about what he finds attractive that surprised me. Maybe because it's what I want to be...but have, at times, felt like he was fighting me.
He said he didn't need a beauty queen. He wants a woman with backbone. One that was independent and not rely totally on him. One that had a life outside of the marriage. A smart woman.
Thirty years ago he wanted a stay at home mom. He planned to be the sole bread winner. He actually said to me, once upon a time, that no wife of his would work. He expected that I would be relying on him. Our marriage would be insular. Our marriage would be like his parent's.
He made me feel good today.
China
Dishes...not the country.
I was given a set of china when I married. I put it away for special occasions. That is what my mother did with her china. That was my understanding of what everyone did with fine dishes. In nearly 33 years, it has been used, maybe three or four times. My family doesn't really do special occasions. It was pulled down a few times for Thanksgiving...the food wasn't better. I'm not sure anyone even noticed. I always hand washed it, took extra care of it...because it was china.
I am reevaluating my stance. My son is looking to buy a house, and I'm sending my everyday dishes with him. I am going to put the china in the cabinet and use it. If it gets broke, and I'm sure it will, oh well. What am I waiting for? Do I not deserve to eat off fine dishes every day?
I was given a set of china when I married. I put it away for special occasions. That is what my mother did with her china. That was my understanding of what everyone did with fine dishes. In nearly 33 years, it has been used, maybe three or four times. My family doesn't really do special occasions. It was pulled down a few times for Thanksgiving...the food wasn't better. I'm not sure anyone even noticed. I always hand washed it, took extra care of it...because it was china.
I am reevaluating my stance. My son is looking to buy a house, and I'm sending my everyday dishes with him. I am going to put the china in the cabinet and use it. If it gets broke, and I'm sure it will, oh well. What am I waiting for? Do I not deserve to eat off fine dishes every day?
January 29, 2013
Life imitating the movies
On our trip home, as we flew from Mexico to Dallas-Fort Worth, the intercom overhead inquired if there was a doctor on board. Nope. Then they asked if there was a nurse on board. The heads of my friends swiveled around. I reached up and turned on my flight attendant light. I was informed there was a "situation". I quickly discovered a passenger was having chest pain and shortness of air. To say I am out of practice would be an understatement, but it appeared, I was what they had. Maybe the most important thing I did was have her chew aspirin. It seems so simple to me...but nobody had done it. I assessed the situation quickly and decided there was no way to do CPR, if needed, in the aisle. I also hoped that I was not going to have to use the defibrillator on an actual person. Our flight was diverted to Houston where we were met by EMT's. They decided she needed to be seen at the hospital. She looked a bit shaky being taken off the plane. I wished her well, she thanked me. The crew thanked me. So much for it only happening in the movies. I'm grateful she wasn't pregnant. I don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' babies.
Paradise found
For the fifth year we headed to Mexico, Cancun this time. The group had grown considerably in size...all that gushy enthusiasm about our previous trips I suppose. Thirteen traveled for 2013. It was a good time, and as always happens, time passed too quickly. A week is just not long enough to be pampered 24/7. To watch the sun rise over the sea and 11 hours later to sink into the lagoon. I watched the moon wax to nearly full the night before we left. The Royal is my favorite hotel chain in the Riviera Maya. It is the only hotel where I fall in love with the bed...and the shower. Did I mention spoiled? We actually did the math for a year long stay. Unfortunately, it's just not in the budget.
January 19, 2013
Moments in time
January 05, 2013
On turning 51
Yes, in a few hours, I will be 51. No point in being embarrassed about it, it's a fact. Even if I lied about my age, I'd still be 51.There are lots of times I'd like to go back to. I'd like to be younger. I'd like to be thinner. I'd like to be more physically capable...less likely to break. Though if I were honest, I wasn't so good at that even when I was younger...but I did recover quicker.
I'm not doing the, if I could go back and change things. One seemingly inconsequential change and the next thing you know a butterfly dies...or something like that. I have a pretty good life. If I were going to wish anything in that line, I wish, maybe, that I'd been born later. Or that the world had advanced quicker. Unlike a lot of people I do not feel I was born too late. I only want to play at being a pirate. I like things like heat, air conditioning, running water, etc. I wish I had discovered things, or that they were available sooner.
And if I am honest with myself, there are many things in the past that I would not want to go back to. I would not want to go back to having small children. I would not want to go back to the constant financial struggle. I would not want to go back to school...at any level.
I am happier now. For the most part, I am much more content. I have more friends. I have more hobbies and activities. I am traveling a little. I am more comfortable with who I am and maybe even where I want to go. All of which make me smarter, I think.
So I will celebrate being 51, each and every birthday beats the alternative. I will be grateful for every opportunity. I will continue to live life. I will enjoy as many things as I can. I will keep up and not live in the past. I don't spend much time looking back. Hopefully, I learned the lessons I needed and won't repeat my mistakes. After all, I've claimed to be smarter.
December 31, 2012
So, it's New Year Eve
But I've already written my piece about that.
I have one of those nagging things on my mind...simply because a Christmas card fell from where it was tapped up. It bothers me because it made me think of something else that once fell from my wall. I had a memento, from my grandfather's funeral, hanging on the wall of my bedroom. It had been there for quiet some time. Then one day it fell. Mom replaced it several times and it continued to fall off the wall. Mom gave up trying to replace it and laid it on top of my dresser. A few days later my other grandfather, my mom's dad, died. The memento never went back on the wall.
So tonight when the card fell, I had a bad feeling. The card is exactly where it landed. I haven't tried to put it back up. If it were to fall again...
I have one of those nagging things on my mind...simply because a Christmas card fell from where it was tapped up. It bothers me because it made me think of something else that once fell from my wall. I had a memento, from my grandfather's funeral, hanging on the wall of my bedroom. It had been there for quiet some time. Then one day it fell. Mom replaced it several times and it continued to fall off the wall. Mom gave up trying to replace it and laid it on top of my dresser. A few days later my other grandfather, my mom's dad, died. The memento never went back on the wall.
So tonight when the card fell, I had a bad feeling. The card is exactly where it landed. I haven't tried to put it back up. If it were to fall again...
December 30, 2012
End of...
2012 is slowly winding down.
It has not been one of my best years, nor has it been one of my worst.
I lost a job, but found one I like better...only to be sold to another company before even making it out of orientation. I start with them January 1. I am a bit concerned about the outcome...only the new year will tell. I need to not be so emotionally invested in my job.
In the new year, 13 friends are heading to Mexico. Hopefully, 13 friends will return from Mexico. It isn't 24/7, but it is close.
It appears, about mid-year, 2013 will bring us another grandchild.
I hope for the new year...
for everyone to be happily, and steadily, employed.
to have an amazing vacation with my husband, non-biological family and friends.
that my eldest son can find the house he's shopping for, to make a home of his own.
to have a healthy grandson/daughter.
that the people I love will be healthy and happy. If they can not have want they want, that they have what they need...and the knowledge to know the difference. And most of all, may they..and I, find contentment.
It has not been one of my best years, nor has it been one of my worst.
I lost a job, but found one I like better...only to be sold to another company before even making it out of orientation. I start with them January 1. I am a bit concerned about the outcome...only the new year will tell. I need to not be so emotionally invested in my job.
In the new year, 13 friends are heading to Mexico. Hopefully, 13 friends will return from Mexico. It isn't 24/7, but it is close.
It appears, about mid-year, 2013 will bring us another grandchild.
I hope for the new year...
for everyone to be happily, and steadily, employed.
to have an amazing vacation with my husband, non-biological family and friends.
that my eldest son can find the house he's shopping for, to make a home of his own.
to have a healthy grandson/daughter.
that the people I love will be healthy and happy. If they can not have want they want, that they have what they need...and the knowledge to know the difference. And most of all, may they..and I, find contentment.
December 29, 2012
Confrontational
I hate when someone says something that I find offensive, and I am really sure they did not mean to offend. Today, that comment was made while a mother was admiring the terrific adult that their child had become. A great sentiment, no doubt. Except the mom said, "I figured, given my parenting, she'd be goth or something." This implies that there is something wrong with being goth. It is so hard for me not to ask, "Would it be so terrible is she were goth and still a great human being?" I would find this statement offensive if she'd used a lot of different words there...republican, democrat, atheist, Christian. She made a statement that she figured the child would go wrong and threw a group of people to the wolves as an example. This bothers me. This was a written statement in a public forum. Which makes it even worse, to me. Maybe because writing gives a person a better opportunity to carefully measure and select their words. I don't want to call her out and make her uncomfortable. I don't even know her that well and I really do not think that she meant a slight to my goth friends. Contrary to popular belief, I am not always confrontational. That is why I have a blog, so that I can rant and rave and get things off my chest without causing harm to others.
But in the process of writing this, I have tried to rephrase that statement into something acceptable and find myself inserting...
crazy
homeless
bum
druggie
alcoholic
These all seem like better "bad" options. These words are generally accepted as being bad...but they are still people. Is it okay because they are less...what? Socially valued? Goths are not socially valued by all, neither are atheist...or Republicans?
I guess it all depends on the angle in which you are viewing life and what you value.
But in the process of writing this, I have tried to rephrase that statement into something acceptable and find myself inserting...
crazy
homeless
bum
druggie
alcoholic
These all seem like better "bad" options. These words are generally accepted as being bad...but they are still people. Is it okay because they are less...what? Socially valued? Goths are not socially valued by all, neither are atheist...or Republicans?
I guess it all depends on the angle in which you are viewing life and what you value.
December 25, 2012
Christmas 2012
Here I sit, alone, on Christmas Eve. The family has wandered off to bed or other pursuits. My tree is lit up all bright, with a few remaining gifts set beneath it. I am reminded of Christmases (As wrong as that looks, I checked, that is the proper plural of Christmas) past. Maybe it was watching the last half of A Christmas Carol. Anyway...
When my children were small, Santa did not wrap Christmas presents. An old friend and I once discussed this...apparently traditions are different about whether they are wrapped or not. So anyway, again...once the boys were tucked securely into bed and all possible water and potty excuses were exhausted, we would set about assembling and displaying around the tree. Then my husband would head off to bed, much like tonight, and I would sleep on the couch to protect the loot. The boys would rise at the crack of dawn, but they were not allowed in the living room until Daddy was present.
Those were fun years...though I will gladly climb into my nice warm bed tonight.
Well, since I have done Christmas past, why not Christmas present? Or maybe Christmas presents. I miss gifts. Not the actual getting, but the mystery and the anticipation. My husband and I have stopped trying to guess what the other wants. We now plan a yearly vacation and call it a year.
And like Scrooge, I fear the spirit of what is yet to be the most. There are many things we can not change, no matter how we keep the Christmas spirit in our hearts.
But on to bigger and better things...
It is almost Christmas Day. I wish everyone a happy heart, the company of family and friends and most of all contentment.
Merry Christmas
When my children were small, Santa did not wrap Christmas presents. An old friend and I once discussed this...apparently traditions are different about whether they are wrapped or not. So anyway, again...once the boys were tucked securely into bed and all possible water and potty excuses were exhausted, we would set about assembling and displaying around the tree. Then my husband would head off to bed, much like tonight, and I would sleep on the couch to protect the loot. The boys would rise at the crack of dawn, but they were not allowed in the living room until Daddy was present.
Those were fun years...though I will gladly climb into my nice warm bed tonight.
Well, since I have done Christmas past, why not Christmas present? Or maybe Christmas presents. I miss gifts. Not the actual getting, but the mystery and the anticipation. My husband and I have stopped trying to guess what the other wants. We now plan a yearly vacation and call it a year.
And like Scrooge, I fear the spirit of what is yet to be the most. There are many things we can not change, no matter how we keep the Christmas spirit in our hearts.
But on to bigger and better things...
It is almost Christmas Day. I wish everyone a happy heart, the company of family and friends and most of all contentment.
Merry Christmas
December 23, 2012
Lost stories
I have been searching my blog for once told stories, I know I have written these things...or thought I had. So either my mind has wandered further afield than I thought or the search engine sucks.
I was looking for my version of the Night before Christmas and the story of Christmas Adam.
Alas neither are to be found. =(
I was looking for my version of the Night before Christmas and the story of Christmas Adam.
Alas neither are to be found. =(
December 15, 2012
Violence
We've had two more mass shootings recently. The one at the elementary school is just beyond belief. So many lives lost...so many children. There are so many thoughts and emotions running around inside my head...anger, grief, frustration, shock, disbelief. Heartache. Surely, everyone feels that. There are so many feelings and thoughts I could explore, but since I don't want to sit here in an emotional basket, I'm going to address something that annoys me. Blaming the parents. How can someone say the parents are to blame? Maybe it's because I have dealt too personally with people with mental issues...and it is the people closest that should be able to see, but are the least likely to believe, a person capable of such atrocities. The emotional attachments color what you see in their behavior. As I said, this comes from experience. And it isn't that you think that person is perfect, noooo, you know they are broken, but they'd never...until they do.
I am a mom. I had parents. My parents tried to raise me right, as I did my children. I'd guess most people would agree that their parents tried. But how many can say that they never, ever, did anything that their parents would have disapproved of? Never? Really? If not, you have lived a very sheltered life, or your parents were really liberal. I have to snicker at that comment, now that I think about it...my grandmother threw a fit because I went to Sunday school at a Baptist church when WE were Catholic. It seems it's an adult's job to disapprove of children's behavior and it is a child's job to test the limits of their imposed boundaries. If parents had absolute control of their children's behavior the world would be a perfect place full of quiet, polite, people. The world would be a dull place and we'd still be living in the stone age.
You can blame a parent when a toddler is running rampant in a restaurant. That parent should exercise control and teach the child preferred behavior. But once a child hits a certain age, where independence and freedom from constant supervision is reached, a parent can only hope that what they have taught their child will prevail in decision making.
I will also add that it is not easy to get help with mental health issues. Being a nurse, I have seen this from the inside. It is difficult to get a child into inpatient care. There are not enough beds. In emergency situations, read that as life threatening, I have seen them put a kid on a mattress, on the floor. Not an ideal situation. I hate to make the comparison, but a child in a psych facility is like have a petty criminal in prison. They learn from the more experienced and mimic their peers. As an adult, the situation is not much better. It is very difficult to have an adult committed against their will. And when you do, it's usually only for 72 hours.
I don't have the answers. There are no easy answers. There is also no easy culprit. You can't blame the gun, it's an inanimate object, a paperweight, until held in a hand. And on that note, I will say there is a difference in gun control and gun banishment. Every argument I hear, sounds like they are the same. Maybe it is the violence in today's entertainment. But there were killers long before video games. I just get tired of hearing the parents getting the blame. One of the things I do blame, is news. There is no quicker way to get famous, infamous maybe...but do they care about the difference? Their name and face are spread around the globe. I can't help visualizing some disturbed kid, sitting alone, thinking, they'll all know who I am when I am done. They'll all know my name. They'll never forget. The news needs to quit making these killers into celebrities.
I am a mom. I had parents. My parents tried to raise me right, as I did my children. I'd guess most people would agree that their parents tried. But how many can say that they never, ever, did anything that their parents would have disapproved of? Never? Really? If not, you have lived a very sheltered life, or your parents were really liberal. I have to snicker at that comment, now that I think about it...my grandmother threw a fit because I went to Sunday school at a Baptist church when WE were Catholic. It seems it's an adult's job to disapprove of children's behavior and it is a child's job to test the limits of their imposed boundaries. If parents had absolute control of their children's behavior the world would be a perfect place full of quiet, polite, people. The world would be a dull place and we'd still be living in the stone age.
You can blame a parent when a toddler is running rampant in a restaurant. That parent should exercise control and teach the child preferred behavior. But once a child hits a certain age, where independence and freedom from constant supervision is reached, a parent can only hope that what they have taught their child will prevail in decision making.
I will also add that it is not easy to get help with mental health issues. Being a nurse, I have seen this from the inside. It is difficult to get a child into inpatient care. There are not enough beds. In emergency situations, read that as life threatening, I have seen them put a kid on a mattress, on the floor. Not an ideal situation. I hate to make the comparison, but a child in a psych facility is like have a petty criminal in prison. They learn from the more experienced and mimic their peers. As an adult, the situation is not much better. It is very difficult to have an adult committed against their will. And when you do, it's usually only for 72 hours.
I don't have the answers. There are no easy answers. There is also no easy culprit. You can't blame the gun, it's an inanimate object, a paperweight, until held in a hand. And on that note, I will say there is a difference in gun control and gun banishment. Every argument I hear, sounds like they are the same. Maybe it is the violence in today's entertainment. But there were killers long before video games. I just get tired of hearing the parents getting the blame. One of the things I do blame, is news. There is no quicker way to get famous, infamous maybe...but do they care about the difference? Their name and face are spread around the globe. I can't help visualizing some disturbed kid, sitting alone, thinking, they'll all know who I am when I am done. They'll all know my name. They'll never forget. The news needs to quit making these killers into celebrities.
December 14, 2012
Odd thoughts
Odd?
December 11, 2012
I'm going to whine
.
^^^That period is all that was left when I deleted the entire post that went along with that title.
I wrote a paragraph and decided I didn't want to write about that. No whining, bellyaching, crying or other forms of mournful blustering. For all the little annoyances and a few slightly larger ones, life is good. Not perfect. Nobody ever promised perfect, except maybe in fairy tales, but, then, I've always been more a Grimm's type of girl.
I feel a need to write. What part of me needs to be examined, or is it just boredom? So here I am debating subjects. Searching my brain for those little sparks that have yet to be explored. Unfortunately, those tiny bits of ideas die quickly in the forward rush of everyday life if not set down someplace for safekeeping.
I need to find my sense of humor first. That is when I like to write, when something is tickling my bizarre sense of amusement.
Not tonight apparently.
^^^That period is all that was left when I deleted the entire post that went along with that title.
I wrote a paragraph and decided I didn't want to write about that. No whining, bellyaching, crying or other forms of mournful blustering. For all the little annoyances and a few slightly larger ones, life is good. Not perfect. Nobody ever promised perfect, except maybe in fairy tales, but, then, I've always been more a Grimm's type of girl.
I feel a need to write. What part of me needs to be examined, or is it just boredom? So here I am debating subjects. Searching my brain for those little sparks that have yet to be explored. Unfortunately, those tiny bits of ideas die quickly in the forward rush of everyday life if not set down someplace for safekeeping.
I need to find my sense of humor first. That is when I like to write, when something is tickling my bizarre sense of amusement.
Not tonight apparently.
December 02, 2012
Popular is bad?
I've had a thought pinging around inside my head recently and I can't quite...think it through. So, here I am, putting fingers to keyboard.
It seems to me, that when something becomes wildly popular, there are certain people (a certain group, type, mindset?) that feel the need to ridicule it. Several things come to mind. I have always been confused by the hatred of Nickleback. Typically, you either like or dislike music. Buy it or not. But there seems to be a group of people that feel the need to express their hatred of the band...vehemently. And as best as I can tell, it isn't based on anything.
Next is the Twilight series. Yes, I read them. All four of them, back to back, in 11 days. They are fluff. Easy reads, written for adolescent girls. I do not like the idea of sparkly vampires, it goes against everything I think of when it comes to a vampire. There were times when Bella became so needy and annoying I wanted to strangle her. And I actually threw one of the books down with annoyance...but I finished it. I have even watched the movies, even after how horrible the first one was. Twilight is not the only fluff books I have read...nor has it been the worst movies. Twilight has a huge following and therefore it has haters. Again, I don't quite understand the vehemence. Nobody is making you read the books or watch the movies. Do you feel smarter because you have not succumbed to the fluff? Do you need to take a stand to prove you are smarter than the average teenage girl?
There are others, but I think you get my point.
You know, if you feel the need to climb up on a soap box to declare your outrage, to prove your intellect or to redirect society, I think you could find a more suitable topic to expend your energy on.
It's all about focus.
I feel better.
It seems to me, that when something becomes wildly popular, there are certain people (a certain group, type, mindset?) that feel the need to ridicule it. Several things come to mind. I have always been confused by the hatred of Nickleback. Typically, you either like or dislike music. Buy it or not. But there seems to be a group of people that feel the need to express their hatred of the band...vehemently. And as best as I can tell, it isn't based on anything.
Next is the Twilight series. Yes, I read them. All four of them, back to back, in 11 days. They are fluff. Easy reads, written for adolescent girls. I do not like the idea of sparkly vampires, it goes against everything I think of when it comes to a vampire. There were times when Bella became so needy and annoying I wanted to strangle her. And I actually threw one of the books down with annoyance...but I finished it. I have even watched the movies, even after how horrible the first one was. Twilight is not the only fluff books I have read...nor has it been the worst movies. Twilight has a huge following and therefore it has haters. Again, I don't quite understand the vehemence. Nobody is making you read the books or watch the movies. Do you feel smarter because you have not succumbed to the fluff? Do you need to take a stand to prove you are smarter than the average teenage girl?
There are others, but I think you get my point.
You know, if you feel the need to climb up on a soap box to declare your outrage, to prove your intellect or to redirect society, I think you could find a more suitable topic to expend your energy on.
It's all about focus.
I feel better.
November 21, 2012
It isn't always age
A few years ago I was diagnosed with a vitamin D deficiency. This seems to be pretty rampant. Why? Vitamin D is manufactured in our bodies, for the most part, from being in the sun. We don't spend enough time in the sun, and when we do, we sunscreen, because we've been told that sun is bad. So is a lack of vitamin D...but not as bad as skin cancer. Now, I know when my D level is sliding, because I recognize the symptoms. I get pain in my legs. The pain, I had previously blamed on work...and age. I took prescription strength Vitamin D until my levels reached normal. Now, I take a daily OTC supplement.
I went to the doctor the other day for a check-up. I mentioned how fatigued I'd been feeling. Not sleepy. Not tired. Just disinterested in doing anything. She asked about depression. I had already examined that option, as disinterest in things you normally enjoy, is a definition of depression. Nope, I said, not depressed. I am perfectly happy...not doing anything. This goes against my personality. I am not generally happy being still. I had considered a lot of options other than depression; new job, frequent changes, stress and of course, age. Sorry, but as you get older, you start hearing it used as an excuse for everything. Fortunately, for me, I have a good doctor, she knows me and she listens. She did some lab work and my B12 level was low. Research ensued, because, well, that is how I am. And I learned something that could probably be as prevalent as the Vitamin D deficiency. B12 is in food, almost exclusively in meat. Smart vegans/vegetarians should be supplementing their diets. B12 is released and absorbed when the acid in our stomachs breaks the meat down. Two problems here; tons of people are on medications to reduce stomach acid, me included, and as we age (there is that dirty word again) we produce less stomach acid. Guess that proves I am not old, since I still have to take medication to reduce the stomach acid. Ha!
Lack of B12 can produce a lot of issues:
I went to the doctor the other day for a check-up. I mentioned how fatigued I'd been feeling. Not sleepy. Not tired. Just disinterested in doing anything. She asked about depression. I had already examined that option, as disinterest in things you normally enjoy, is a definition of depression. Nope, I said, not depressed. I am perfectly happy...not doing anything. This goes against my personality. I am not generally happy being still. I had considered a lot of options other than depression; new job, frequent changes, stress and of course, age. Sorry, but as you get older, you start hearing it used as an excuse for everything. Fortunately, for me, I have a good doctor, she knows me and she listens. She did some lab work and my B12 level was low. Research ensued, because, well, that is how I am. And I learned something that could probably be as prevalent as the Vitamin D deficiency. B12 is in food, almost exclusively in meat. Smart vegans/vegetarians should be supplementing their diets. B12 is released and absorbed when the acid in our stomachs breaks the meat down. Two problems here; tons of people are on medications to reduce stomach acid, me included, and as we age (there is that dirty word again) we produce less stomach acid. Guess that proves I am not old, since I still have to take medication to reduce the stomach acid. Ha!
Lack of B12 can produce a lot of issues:
Diarrhea
Fatigue
Numbness of the extremities
Sore mouth
Loss of appetite
Nausea
Cessation of menstruation
Confusion
Memory loss
Hallucinations
Disorientation
Anemia
Nervousness
Behavioral changes
Enlarged mucus membranes
One article I read, said a lot of people attribute their symptoms to aging. Big surprise. There is even speculation, that some people diagnosed with dementia, may actually be suffering from B12 deficiency.
Besides my fatigue, I have also felt over anxious the last few months, something I blamed on the new job. But it wasn't going away as I settled in. I'm hoping it will dissipate along with my fatigue. I haven't found a clear answer on how long it will take to feel better, it seems 7-60 days. I guess it depends on just how low my levels were...my doctor was not specific. I guess I can be grateful at the lack of hallucinations and enlarged mucus membranes.
November 16, 2012
To Whom it May Concern,
I signed papers yesterday allowing you to snoop into my life, "by any means deemed necessary" to prove my worthiness to continue at my job because my company sold me to you. So if you find this little piece of me, I want to say a few things.
I guess, first and foremost, you can't take me at face value. Things are not always what they seem. In my world, if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and sounds like a duck, it may very well be a firetruck. Sometimes, I don't want people knowing what I am talking about...or looking too closely at my firetruck. No, I am not crazy. I have a vivid imagination...and I'm not afraid to use it.
I am fluent in sarcasm and I use it liberally. To make a point...or not.
I have a sense of humor, whether you understand it or not. I can laugh or I can cry...personally, I prefer to laugh.
I get angry and frustrated sometimes. This is my place to blow off steam. I may use any or all of the above in doing so. What I don't do, is trash talk. You will never see a proper noun to go along with my rants. The proper place for the name of my employer is on my paycheck and my resume...and appropriate professional websites.
And sometimes, I'm boring.
But, I work hard. I am proud of what I do. And I always do my very best. And I am hoping that we will have a mutually satisfying relationship for many years to come...as I have many years until retirement.
I guess, first and foremost, you can't take me at face value. Things are not always what they seem. In my world, if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and sounds like a duck, it may very well be a firetruck. Sometimes, I don't want people knowing what I am talking about...or looking too closely at my firetruck. No, I am not crazy. I have a vivid imagination...and I'm not afraid to use it.
I am fluent in sarcasm and I use it liberally. To make a point...or not.
I have a sense of humor, whether you understand it or not. I can laugh or I can cry...personally, I prefer to laugh.
I get angry and frustrated sometimes. This is my place to blow off steam. I may use any or all of the above in doing so. What I don't do, is trash talk. You will never see a proper noun to go along with my rants. The proper place for the name of my employer is on my paycheck and my resume...and appropriate professional websites.
And sometimes, I'm boring.
But, I work hard. I am proud of what I do. And I always do my very best. And I am hoping that we will have a mutually satisfying relationship for many years to come...as I have many years until retirement.
November 13, 2012
I'm going to tell a secret
I woke last night in a bit of a panic. I was twisted in my blanket and something...I think a pillow, was in my face. Too close. I came awake...fighting to get away. I'm a bit claustrophobic. A bit, um hum...a bit; fighting, clawing, scratching, biting, freaking claustrophobic. At least, I guess this would fall under claustrophobia, I am a little uncomfortable in tight spaces...like the MRI. But I can manage it, unmedicated even. I close my eyes, breathe deep, and try to not touch the sides that indicate the limitations of the space. But I have never done well with stuff, or even people, in my face. I can usually extricate myself quickly from such a situation. It does not go well when I can't...did I mention kicking? It takes extreme circumstances, like sleeping outside in the middle of winter, to be able to even pull a cover over my head. Even then I try to keep a space open...for air. I can't breathe when the air becomes stuffy...warm. It is so suffocating. That is how I woke, something too close to my face, suffocating me. Unable to move, because I was tangled, trapped. I woke, ready to fight...since I couldn't flee.
Adrenaline is not good when you want to go back to sleep.
Adrenaline is not good when you want to go back to sleep.
November 05, 2012
Blogging
Maybe one day...
November 03, 2012
So many wrongs, one right
Power corrupts.
It is the first thing that comes to mind when I consider the impending presidential election. Don't worry, this will not be a spin campaign for one of the candidates or a smear campaign against the other. I'll leave that mess to the individuals that get paid big bucks to bend, twist and distort reality.
I wish integrity would find it's way back into government. I jokingly suggested that the candidates be connected to lie detectors during the debate...wouldn't it be nice if you knew you could make an educated decision based on facts?
I am disgusted about the amount of money spent on the campaigns. It is obscene...especially when so many people are struggling to stay afloat. Wouldn't people still vote for a president without spending millions of dollars? If both campaigns were limited to a equal dollar amount, would it make a difference?
When did winning become more important than people? You know, those people, the ones voting. So much fighting. So many power plays. Such division. Instead of asking, what is best for our country? They ask, what do I, or the party, want? I sometimes think they disagree just to test their power. I'll show you.
And stupidity. How can educated people be so stupid? Some of the stuff that comes out of their mouths...
I'll be glad when the election is over. I'm not expecting much, no matter who wins. They are so insulated, isolated and polarized. They have no clue what it is like to live in the real world where actions have consequences, trust is an issue, money is limited and nobody is constantly whispering in your ear seeking favor.
The one right in all this? The right to vote. To live in a country where choice is an option.
I just wish I could feel confident about my choice. I wish I could make a commitment based on truth, honesty, knowledge and vision.
It is the first thing that comes to mind when I consider the impending presidential election. Don't worry, this will not be a spin campaign for one of the candidates or a smear campaign against the other. I'll leave that mess to the individuals that get paid big bucks to bend, twist and distort reality.
I wish integrity would find it's way back into government. I jokingly suggested that the candidates be connected to lie detectors during the debate...wouldn't it be nice if you knew you could make an educated decision based on facts?
I am disgusted about the amount of money spent on the campaigns. It is obscene...especially when so many people are struggling to stay afloat. Wouldn't people still vote for a president without spending millions of dollars? If both campaigns were limited to a equal dollar amount, would it make a difference?
When did winning become more important than people? You know, those people, the ones voting. So much fighting. So many power plays. Such division. Instead of asking, what is best for our country? They ask, what do I, or the party, want? I sometimes think they disagree just to test their power. I'll show you.
And stupidity. How can educated people be so stupid? Some of the stuff that comes out of their mouths...
I'll be glad when the election is over. I'm not expecting much, no matter who wins. They are so insulated, isolated and polarized. They have no clue what it is like to live in the real world where actions have consequences, trust is an issue, money is limited and nobody is constantly whispering in your ear seeking favor.
The one right in all this? The right to vote. To live in a country where choice is an option.
I just wish I could feel confident about my choice. I wish I could make a commitment based on truth, honesty, knowledge and vision.
October 26, 2012
Happy birthday
There is one tradition in the whole birthday celebrating thing that bothers me. It is one of those things that most people don't seem to think about. Blowing out the candles...on the cake. Usually that entails blowing all over the cake. I am not sure I like the idea of someone blowing across my food. Yes, I know it's weird and it should not be a big deal. But what it the birthday celebrant is coming down with something? A little cold with your cake? Or worse, when it's a child blowing out all those candles, because I dislike someone else's spit on my food even more.
Another one for the gross file. You're welcome.
October 21, 2012
Writing
I used to make an entry almost daily. I would sit and purposely think about subjects. It bothers me when I realize weeks have gone by without writing. I wonder if I write more or less when life is good, bad or indifferent. I think about writing all the time. I compose in my mind, but always when my computer is not readily available. Then, later, it is forgotten. Maybe that is when, or why, I don't write...when life is busy or I am distracted. I really do need to be more committed. Writing makes me happy. It helps me focus. I even occasionally amuse myself.
October 05, 2012
What you see
I can't speak for every woman over 50...
or over 40, for that fact.
I can only speak for myself, but I bet a lot of those women would agree with me.
What you see is totally different than how I feel.
You see where I am soft. You see a shape, that is out of shape. You see where I am slower. You see the lines on my face. You see me and think old.
I still feel desire. I still feel vibrant. I still feel alive.
I still want to party. I still want to celebrate. I still want to be loved.
I think I can keep up. I think I can participate. I think I can achieve.
I have not mellowed. I have not given up. I have not disappeared.
I am not always happy with what I see in the mirror. But in my head, I still have possibilities.
Don't dismiss me. I might surprise you.
or over 40, for that fact.
I can only speak for myself, but I bet a lot of those women would agree with me.
What you see is totally different than how I feel.
You see where I am soft. You see a shape, that is out of shape. You see where I am slower. You see the lines on my face. You see me and think old.
I still feel desire. I still feel vibrant. I still feel alive.
I still want to party. I still want to celebrate. I still want to be loved.
I think I can keep up. I think I can participate. I think I can achieve.
I have not mellowed. I have not given up. I have not disappeared.
I am not always happy with what I see in the mirror. But in my head, I still have possibilities.
Don't dismiss me. I might surprise you.
September 26, 2012
A rose by any other name
About the time my grandson was born, people asked me what he was going to call me. I thought this an odd question. I just figured he would decide what he'd call me, kind of, as we went along. I mean the choices are sort of limited. I grew up with a grandma and a mamaw, even though mamaw was not related by blood...neither were a lot of my aunts. There is nana, which I always thought was made up by somebody that didn't want to be called grandma. And we'll just veto granny. It did not occur to me that I would need to pick a name to refer to myself. With my kids it was automatic to say, "Give it to momma."
Well this weekend, it was confirmed that he has indeed picked a name. I am....
Her.
I wasn't sure about this until we played 'name the family' at his birthday party. He would point, and ask, "Who that?" I would answer. Then my husband pointed at me and asked Hunter, "Who is that?" Hunter responded, "Her."
Quit laughing.
I know where it comes from. I say, "Go get papaw." The husband says, you got it, "Go get her."
It's sweet and adorable. He's two and doesn't know better. I wonder how long I'll be her.
Well this weekend, it was confirmed that he has indeed picked a name. I am....
Her.
I wasn't sure about this until we played 'name the family' at his birthday party. He would point, and ask, "Who that?" I would answer. Then my husband pointed at me and asked Hunter, "Who is that?" Hunter responded, "Her."
Quit laughing.
I know where it comes from. I say, "Go get papaw." The husband says, you got it, "Go get her."
It's sweet and adorable. He's two and doesn't know better. I wonder how long I'll be her.
September 25, 2012
Habits
I occasionally find myself stopping in the middle of doing an ordinary thing and just having to think about it. Not the, how to, but the why, often catches my attention. I know that we do many things the way we learned to do them, the way we seen them done...they become habits that we seldom examine. Seldom, that is, until that one moment when what I am doing catches my attention.
This morning I stopped as I was preparing to brush my teeth. What caught my attention, was the application of toothpaste to toothbrush.
More precisely, the bristles of my toothbrush as they brushed along the edge of the tube.
My toothbrush has been in my mouth...obviously. Now, I don't share my toothpaste...I have my own bathroom, but I would say that is probably not the case in most homes.
I know a few people that wouldn't dare eat or drink after another person. I wonder if they share toothpaste?
Is there a better way to do this? How do you get that neat little flourish of toothpaste on the brush without physical contact between the two? Did I miss something in my upbringing? Am I missing a special toothpaste utensil? Have I just not mastered the use of gravity on a viscous product?
It wouldn't surprise me.
Maybe, at a later date, we'll discuss soap.
More precisely, the bristles of my toothbrush as they brushed along the edge of the tube.
My toothbrush has been in my mouth...obviously. Now, I don't share my toothpaste...I have my own bathroom, but I would say that is probably not the case in most homes.
I know a few people that wouldn't dare eat or drink after another person. I wonder if they share toothpaste?
It wouldn't surprise me.
Maybe, at a later date, we'll discuss soap.
September 04, 2012
What if...
I found myself thinking about those pivotal moments in life when you make a decision and it has potentially life changing consequences. If you believe life is preordained you might argue that what is supposed to happen, will happen. I prefer to think that I have some control over the path I travel, especially if I have to pay the consequences for my actions.
There are several decisions that I wonder, if I'd gone down a different path, where I might be today.
I wonder how life would have changed if we had not bought our current house. There are lots of reasons to wonder about that. So much has happened here...not all of it good, but not all of it bad either.
I wonder where I would be if I'd applied for work at the hospital I actually intended to, instead of where I work now.
There is never, ever, a way of knowing. You can't go back. Life has changed you.
The thing that has been on my mind today involves a Halloween party...seemingly a trivial thing. A dozen, or so, people had gotten together at a mutual friend's house. Not everyone there knew each other. After the party, I mentioned to my husband that one of the men I'd talked to, was "Thanatos". My husband mentioned, much to my surprise, that he had talked to Thanatos many times online and wished he'd had the chance to meet him. That could have been the end of it...just a Halloween party and a random meeting of someone. But I sent a message the next day to Thanatos and he suggested we come to an event where he would be...and we did. That meeting has led to so many good things and has changed my life...our lives, beyond measure.
Just a random string of choices.
There are several decisions that I wonder, if I'd gone down a different path, where I might be today.
I wonder how life would have changed if we had not bought our current house. There are lots of reasons to wonder about that. So much has happened here...not all of it good, but not all of it bad either.
I wonder where I would be if I'd applied for work at the hospital I actually intended to, instead of where I work now.
There is never, ever, a way of knowing. You can't go back. Life has changed you.
The thing that has been on my mind today involves a Halloween party...seemingly a trivial thing. A dozen, or so, people had gotten together at a mutual friend's house. Not everyone there knew each other. After the party, I mentioned to my husband that one of the men I'd talked to, was "Thanatos". My husband mentioned, much to my surprise, that he had talked to Thanatos many times online and wished he'd had the chance to meet him. That could have been the end of it...just a Halloween party and a random meeting of someone. But I sent a message the next day to Thanatos and he suggested we come to an event where he would be...and we did. That meeting has led to so many good things and has changed my life...our lives, beyond measure.Just a random string of choices.
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