Run for your life

I've been looking for a pair of board shorts...if you're unfamiliar, those are swim trunks for women. Yes, you wear them with a top...pervert. This search led me to Jefferson Mall today. What a wonderland Jefferson Mall is. I was greeted as soon as I walked through the doors at Sears with a large group of people that didn't seem to be aware of the general etiquette to keep moving so that everyone can come in. As I squeezed around them, I was confronted by cold stares to indicate that I was apparently being rude by wanting to actually come into the store. A few minutes later this group passed me again...screaming, crying kid in tow, while one of the women announced loudly, "They ain't nothin' in this store ya'll want!" Out through the mall entrance they headed. I gave them adequate time to get a head of me, then I headed that way too. BAM! I walked right smack into the middle of some kind of miniature princess competition. Tons of tiny tots and pre-teens dressed in petite prom and brides maid dresses. Let's teach them while their young that nothing is more important than looks...good God save me! I made it to the other end of the mall attempting to not trip over out of control munchkins...or ahem, adults, I use the term loosely, clueless to their environment. I found my shorts...Yay! Those are for my snorkeling trip coming up very soon. If it hadn't been so cold, I think I would have walked around the mall rather than back through. But then I would have missed the "lady". The lady was mobilizing through the mall in a motorized wheel chair. I would not have paid her much attention except she was wearing gold lamé pants...in a mall, on a Saturday, before noon. Hey it's five o'clock somewhere, right? She also had on a long blond curly wig...and snow boots with fur tops. This was quite the fashion statement. Not that I am one to judge others in the style department. I was not staring...I swear. But there were some sequins involved too. Exit stage left. I make it back down to Sears...the beauty pageant has now moved on to, I presume teens. There is someone, I suppose, officiating, instructing, the hopefuls wearing a gold mesh-work crown that is half as tall as she is. I have to be honest, I hurried past the adorable tykes earlier in the day as quickly as possible...this, however, for a moment, has my attention. There are a half dozen girls, of indeterminate age, standing around in formals looking way too made up and stiff. One in particular catches my attention...it must be gold lamé day at the mall. I don't know where she got the dress...but somebody should have told her it was at least two sizes too small. I'm talking about a girl with a nice shape, but she is stretching this dress out in a very unflattering manner. I often wonder if people have full length mirrors at home. There I go again...I am in no standing to be a fashion critic. Jeans and t-shirt baby...and if I want to get fancy, I'll swap my New Balance running shoes for a pair of boots. Today I was grateful for my running shoes...out the nearest exit, not even the closest to the car and damn it was cold out there.