I like photographing flowers. They make me happy.

Unhappiness

I was at the grocery this morning, a Sunday morning ritual I could do without but a necessary bane to my existence if we are to eat. I was window shopping along the freezer case looking for new and exciting options (I found none) and an employee was behind me stocking another case. When an old woman, I say old in hindsight because of her behavior, turned the corner and loudly stated, "Well I can't even get through here! " Not "excuse me" or "pardon me" and when I say loud, I mean everyone on the isle turned. I pushed my cart forward to allow her to pass between me and the employee...who was unloading a big, heavy looking, flatbed full of boxes. She just stood there. I knew she had enough room to pass, I returned to staring at frozen quick meals. She then declares to the employee, "I guess I'm going to have to wait until you are done." Again, everyone turns to see who is disturbing their tranquil Sunday morning shopping. She begins to inquire how long he is going to be, how much he has to unload...he answered much more polite than I would have. Turned out she wanted something from the display next to where he was working. If she had walked to the front of her cart she could have simply reached the object of her desire, but instead, she berates him until he moves so that she could push her cart into the now vacant space and retrieve whatever it was she wanted. I could hope for tranquilizers or mood enhancers but I doubt those would be in the frozen food isle...though ice cream comes close. I wondered it she had always been such a bitch or was this some part of the aging process? I mean you never hear the term, young and crotchety. What made her so unhappy? What made her so entitled that someone should stop working and move to avoid inconveniencing her...why so inflexible? If I had wanted something dead where he was standing, I would have asked politely to be handed what I wanted. I just don't get it...there is enough shit in the world to deal with without your crotchety old ass being rude, way too early on a Sunday morning. 

Alice in Wonderland...the movie

I finally picked a day and decided I was going to see the movie,even if it was alone. A pair of friends rescued me from a fate worse than death, or so you'd think...my husband asked, "You're actually going to go alone?" He had no desire to see the movie. Other commitments had prevented me from attending previously when other friends went. Yes, I told him, I was going. After all I am a grown, strong, independent, woman...I can do things without having someone hold my hand. As I recall the movie opened March 5th, so 3 weeks ago. There were, maybe, six people in the theater with the three of us...maybe less. We were sitting up front and I did not count heads in the rafters. I really do prefer not sitting elbow-to-elbow with random, and usually rude and obnoxious, strangers to see a movie, so this suited me just fine. I had anticipated a lesser crowd, three weeks in, but not this small. But then I factored in that How to Train Your Dragon was opening this weekend. Anyway... I liked the movie. Should I just quit there? It is very visual. Sometimes I wished I could slow it down so that I could look at it. It seemed to move too fast. Yes, I understand the frantic pace is part of the movie's atmosphere...but I wanted to LOOK at it, absorb and take it in. There were many details that could not be overlooked, such as the Mad Hatter's eyes and the Red Queen's head, or more accurately, I suppose, her proportions. Not that either was a big surprise, these things were evident in the trailers and abundant press releases. Alice's declaration, "I make my own path." may be the movie's most memorable line. Don't believe me, Google it. It touched a chord with me...that grown, strong, independent woman that I am. But one of the movie's biggest flaws, was the garbled dialog. There were a couple of occasions when we were unable to decipher what the characters had said. That, is unforgivable. I couldn't help but think of Joan of Arc as Alice rode off to do battle. The armor, I think. Someone had an amazing time, and much effort was spent, in simply keeping Alice clothed. With great success. Loved the clothing. Unlike the book, Alice's clothing doesn't simply shrink and grow with her. The movie could have been longer. It is one of the few times I am curious about deleted scenes. There could have been so much more. And at the end, when she rides off into the sunset, I had an actual moment of fear that she might declare herself, King of the World.

In the middle

Why do we have middle names? It isn't like most of us use them, and for some strange reason, they often seem to be a source of embarrassment.

My parents chose to use my middle name as the moniker in which I am identified. This has caused me endless problems, as the world seems bound, damned and determined that I WILL use my first name...my God given name, as I have heard it referred to. Quite honestly, I doubt God really cares what name I use.

There were teachers in school that insisted on calling me by my first name, then complained that I was ignoring them. They could have picked any random name and tried getting my attention with as much success. It just wasn't something I recognized...unless my mother was yelling and strung my entire name together. At which point, I knew my ass was grass and she was planning to be the lawn mower (ever wonder where those phrase come from?)

When I started my current job, they asked what name I wanted on my name tag. I wrote my middle name, MY name...they put my first name. Surprising as it would be to most people, 13 years ago I wasn't as brash as I am today. Today I would make them change it. Back then, I just clipped it on and went on my way. It took me a while to realize, why I always felt like I was in trouble...the only time I'd ever really heard that name.

Now, I am used to it. It's actually kind of nice, having a work identity and a home identity. Of course, add in the half dozen nicknames I've picked up and I have a name, and a personality, for every occasion.

But still I wonder, where and why did the practice of middle names come into vogue? I'm guessing you needed a Jim Bob to differentiate from Dad Jim and Grandpa Jim cause nobody in the family had an ounce of creativity.

Maybe I'll ask the smartest person I know...Google.

Reasoning

1.
It amazes me how often people's brains, hearts and libidos/hormones aren't on the same page.

It amazes me even more, how often people are guided by the ones that can't actually think/reason.


2.
I have an idea for an iPhone app...50 ways to injure the idiot sitting next to you.

I could give them a head start on ideas.


3.
I'm sure you've heard the advice, live every day like it's your last.

Who would be at work?


4.
Why are some people always unhappy?

I think it becomes a habit. A habit I am trying really hard to avoid.

Great words

"The next words out of my mouth would make Jesus cry and the Devil shudder...you don't need that kind of hassle."

My son's words when asking to talk to someone's manager and they hesitated.

Growing old sucks

But I'm not old yet...or at least not as old as I should be for the problem I have.

I went to the eye doctor a month ago for my routine eye exam. He told me that I was developing sub-capsular cataracts. A form that tends to grow rather rapidly. He explained that this type of cataract has more to do with heredity than age. Well I'll be the first to say my genetics suck!!! Both parents with diabetes, both with open heart surgeries and both died from cancer. I do not have expectations of living a long life. But I can't recall them having cataracts...just not as dramatic, I guess.

I picked my glasses up a week ago and have been struggling with them ever since. My vision is just not right. Only once in the many years I've been wearing glasses has the prescription been wrong in a pair of new glasses, but I went in today to have them checked out.

I can barely make out 20/40 in my left eye what I was seeing 20/20 a month ago. He adjusted, both for stronger and weaker, and neither improved my vision. The doctor said the cataract has grown enough to move into my field of vision. It's like having a Vaseline smudge on my glasses. The good news, it's going to keep getting worse. The bad news, it requires eye surgery. He says they can restore my vision, possibly even eliminating my need for glasses...but the idea of eye surgery terrifies the living crap out of me.

2012

I don't have to look at the DVD cover to tell you this is one l-o-n-g movie, but I did...158 minutes. It seemed longer. There are several potential reasons. One, we had to stop half way through, when company stopped by. Second, we had issues with the DVD and ultimately had to move it to the X-box and start over. And lastly, even though I have a weird fascination for disaster movies, this one just never grabbed me by the seat of the pants and took me along for the ride. Of course number three could have been greatly influenced by the first two.

I am going to contradict myself now. I hate movies that spend the first half developing the characters before you get into any action. 2012 didn't do that, but because the characters weren't developed I didn't feel any attachment to them. There were only two characters that seemed to stand out, the crazy guy (Charlie Frost, we'll get back to him in a minute) and the asshole, selfish, filthy rich Russian guy that you hope gets his in the end.

Now back to Charlie Frost, as promised. It was one of those movie moments when a character comes on the screen and you zero in. Looking closely, I questioned, "Is that Woody Harrelson?" Indeed. There are a number of known, recognized actors in this movie. Woody was not as easily recognizable.

The movie starts in modern day and quickly movies toward 12/21/12, the date many say the Mayan calendar predicts as the end of the world. Last year I had the opportunity to talk to a man in Tulum, Mexico that specializes in Mayan history. He laughed at the notion. He said that December 2012 isn't the end of time, only the end of the calendar. Like our end of year, the Mayan calendar simply starts over.

I will admit watching the world being torn apart by earthquakes and flooded by tidal waves after recent global events, was a little creepy.

An Alice in Wonderland inspired party

We had an Alice party for a friend's birthday recently. I was rather impressed with our Humpty Dumpty center piece. Humpty was just adorable all by himself. Then surrounded by deviled eggs in the center of a chess board...surrounded by all the king's men.

I took some liberties with the tea party...with very good results.

The decorations were simple, but universal.

I made an unusual Queen of Hearts.

Right before my eyes

I got new glasses today. I do this every two years. I don't know why it is, but when I pick them up, I swear they are different from when I ordered them. I've been wearing glasses since I was six. First thing on in the morning, last thing off at night.They've gotten a lot fancier over time...anti-glare, photoray, polished edges. They've also gotten much more expensive. But I figure for something dead center of my face, every waking moment, I should get what I want.

Random thoughts from recent memories

This may come as a surprise to some...but I really don't care who Tiger slept with. I do not see any point in his name making the news, even tabloid TV, every night. It's his business. Just because he plays golf and became a celebrity does not mean that the media should constantly pry into his life. Inquiring minds don't give a damn, they have better things to wonder about.

I had one of those odd occurrences today...made even more odd by the fact that I wasn't alone. I saw a "ghost".  Three us us were standing in a hall, at work, talking. I saw someone approaching in my peripheral vision. I stepped forward to allow the person to pass. I looked over my shoulder to make sure there was enough space, and nobody was there. I must have looked confused. One of the people I was standing with looked at me, and said, "I saw it too." I saw a dark shape approaching, he saw a light passing behind me. Bizarre.

I recently heard a doctor giving excellent advice. He was on the phone and was telling someone to make an appointment. Apparently, he was asked if the patient should go to the emergency room. He answered, "Absolutely not! They can make an appointment.Tell them they have not had an MI and they are not suffering from sudden cardiac death." He is my hero of the week.


I almost discovered, in a painful way, the consequences of checking Facebook by phone when using the bathroom...I am a multi-tasker. My phone slipped from my hands. Straight down, as gravity is predictable. I clenched. It is fortunate, I guess, that I do not have skinny little bird legs. I think I captured it by 1/2 an inch. Phone saved, disaster averted, bank account happy.


I enjoy music. Recently I have not been so happy with my choices of CDs. They seem to drone on, one song after another, slipping from one song to the next without much to set them apart or there is one song I really like, only to discover that nothing on the CD is even similar. Now I know it sounds like I just complained about opposite things...but I want the music to be similar in attitude while exploring new territory. Make sense? Anyway, driving to work, I was listening to my latest acquisition and really enjoying it when the thought occurred to me that my laptop at work had a CD drive...why didn't I ever listen to music, at a significantly muted volume, at work? A few songs later I was remind why...most of my CDs have parental warning labels. I never buy edited CDs...ever.


My husband made a comment the other day that I loved. He said that he knew it wouldn't do him any good to tell me what to do or what to wear. If he was uncomfortable, he'd just have to walk a few steps further behind.  He no longer frets about what people think when I am "all dressed up"...most people would call it a costume. He just....distances himself.  And stands back and laughs most of the time. I know it sounds horrible but you'd have to understand...it's a good thing. And people wonder how we've stayed married for so long.


A went for an ultrasound (US) of my ovary recently. Somebody forgot to send me the memo that an US of your ovary is done internally...that would be transvaginally in medical speak. The poor US tech was male, being a professional I doubt he was uncomfortable with the situation...in the beginning. I am sure about the time I asked if this counted as a "nooner" he was ready to crawl under the floor tiles. I razed him through the entire procedure...that would be sexually harassed  in legal speak. Though I will have to say, afterwards, the female attendant said that was the first time she'd ever seen him laugh, apparently he is normally pretty serious.

Pro-choice

Pro-choice is a term frequently used to identify half of the abortion debate, but this is not about abortion. This is about life. I am pro-choice in life. I think the government is getting too muddled up in the day to day of our lives. How I live, or how I die, should be my choice. I should have the freedom to make decisions. I am a semi-educated human being over the age of 18. If I want to sit down with a spoon and eat trans-fat...my choice. If I want to sprinkle salt on it first...my choice. If I want to ride a motorcycle without a helmet...my choice. No, these are not smart choices, but the government isn't my mother and shouldn't be dictating to me the rights and wrongs of better living.

I understand where the government is coming from. I am after all  a nurse. If you eat wrong or participate in dangerous activities you have a higher risk of being a burden on the healthcare dollar. And believe me, healthcare doesn't need additional burdens. But instead of passing laws telling me all the things I can't do, educate me to make better choices. I mean, I wear a seatbelt now. I would, even if the law was repealed. And on that subject, I believe seatbelt laws and child safety seats are excellent for the protection of children.

I know salt can cause all kinds of maladies but I'm still going to eat it...my decision, my consequences. If I develop hypertension, maybe I'll rethink my decision. And if a law is passed that restaurants can not add salt to food (Can you imagine McDonald's fries without salt?) I will just add twice as much myself.

Besides the government should have much more pressing issues to deal with...and perhaps they should clean up their own house before trying to butt into mine.

Land of the free...remember?

Full steam ahead

It has come to my attention that in the last few weeks my writing has been much less sarcastic (humorous, entertaining) and much more...ummm mellow. Mellow is not even a setting on my emotional dial, so I will try my best to rectify that situation. Mellow is something I usually only accomplish when chemically induced. It is seldom that I am agreeable to it, even then. I prefer full tilt, both feet, horns out. Look out world, I'm gathering steam.

Send my regrets

Why do we humans spend so much time revisiting the failures of our lives? Regret is such a waste of time and energy. No matter how much you fret about those things that haunt your soul and mind, you can rarely change them. They are done and gone...past. No, I am not immune. I often find my mind wandering down familiar paths of why, what if and I wish. The only purpose I can find, is possibly, the desire to learn from my mistakes and missteps. By turning over and examining the less than stellar moments of life, maybe, just maybe, I can do better next time. I'll give myself credit for at least hoping to be a better person...and maybe someday I'll quit beating myself up over the mistakes.