Wishes

A friend recently mentioned what people most wish for...love.

Love doesn't just magically appear. There is no Prince Charming with a glass slipper seeking you out. You have to work for it. You have to find it, share it, nurture it. None of which is easy. Nor does love guarantee happiness. But this got me wondering what I would wish for. I am looking at this as if my wish could be granted, and an attitude of, be careful what you wish for.

I usually say what I want most is contentment. A feeling of satisfaction of where I am in life. But there is some lack of drive there. Without a desire to do better, what do you have? I am not sure a perpetual state of contentment would be good for anyone.

I would like to be younger, growing older really is not for the weak. If it isn't your life falling apart, it is someone you care about. The older you get, the more people you loose. More health issues crop up. You slow down, no matter how hard you try to keep up. Everything becomes just a bit harder. So I ask, if I could go back...where? First thought, 21. But I was pregnant at 21, and I don't think I'd want to do that again. Nor, do I want to go back and change being pregnant at 21. Or being married at 18. They may not have been the best choices, but they were the ones I made, that lead me to where I am. There is no way of knowing what effect even the slightest change would have made, so no changing my past. Plus, with the good was pain and sorrow that I do not wish to relive. Besides, 30 was a much better age than 21, I had a much better idea of who I wanted to be. By 40, a better idea of who I was.

I would like to be thinner. I suppose a better wish would be, to have the determination to obtain my goals. Or maybe, even better, I would like to be healthier. Thinness is of little importance if you are otherwise ill, and no amount of determination can make you healthy. I include mental, as well as physical health. I can not think of a problem with this wish, to be physically and mentally healthy. It should not make you, or others, sad. Does not change the past. It should only improve your place in life.

Now, all I need is the magic.

How much is that doggie in the window

worth?

I saw a car this afternoon, with half a small dog hanging out of the driver's window. This bothers me on several levels. How much control does the driver have of his car...or his dog? No dog, no matter how small, belongs in the lap of a driver. It isn't safe for the driver, the dog, or the motorists surrounding them. I am always afraid that dog is going to jump. Just because it hasn't happened to this point, doesn't mean it won't ever. That would lead to the dog being hit, a car being hit to avoid the dog, or both. So sad.

I'm trying not to borrow trouble

One of the hardest things for humans to do, I think, is just to wait and see. The head says don't borrow trouble. Quit with the what ifs. Quit trying to fill in the blanks. Just have to wait for the blanks to fill  in themselves. Even when you have no control, you can't help but over think it.

To continue the streak...

I sat this morning drinking my coffee from my black and white mug, wearing my black and white pajamas, with my black and white dog. Wow, see a pattern? Nah, me neither.

My husband does not understand my excitement at finding black pajamas. I don't know what it is with clothing manufacturers, but they insist on making pajamas cutesy. I really don't do cutesy. Plus, black PJ tops are not so...see through. I don't wear them to sleep, they are my comfy, around the house, clothes. Which means I like to be "decent" enough to get the mail, or not send my sons into, saw Mom barely dressed shock, should they stop by unexpectedly. Even the black pajamas were given a feminine detail. God forbid I be mistaken for a man in my lounge wear. There is a tiny, satin, bow at the neckline...reminiscent of the little bow that once graced all bras, dead center. Dear bow, you are living on borrowed time.

I gave in...

we'll see if I live to regret it.

Today, I got a flu shot!

Not a big deal, you say? I know from past experience that I have about a 50/50 chance of suffering through the next few days with high fever, headache, body aches and, worse of all, utter fatigue. It's so bad that it usually takes me several years before I get the flu vaccine again.

So why do I get it?

Peer pressure, arm twisting, gnashing of teeth, piles of paper work...extortion.

I don't think they can use the word mandatory, but they can make it as unpleasant as possible for anyone that doesn't fall in line. I've heard threats about making the uninoculated wear masks. I've signed declination papers in the past. I keep expecting them to say that if I don't get the shot, they won't pay me for missed work if I get the flu.

It's been about 9 hours and I feel fine. My arm isn't even particularly painful. Here's hoping in the morning, I wake rested and refreshed, not feverish and achy.

Something new

I need to find my way back into this. I enjoy writing, for a variety of reasons. I don't know why I have been absent. I think of topics, but they slip away before I have a chance to think them through.

I've been thinking a lot about being a parent. It is a no win situation. No matter what you do, you're wrong...or so it seems. My mother was a control freak. I decided I would not smother my children. I bet, if asked, they'd say I was not involved enough. Someone told me recently, that their daughter, after dropping a bomb shell, was upset that her parents weren't. They were not upset enough. But I'm sure, if that had become upset, they would have been overreacting.

Parenthood comes without instruction. We all do the best we can with the tools we have. My children only have a small idea of the childhood I had. They have no real clue that most of the decisions I made, were in contrast to the way I was raised. My Mom was not raised in a family, having been turned over to a girl's home at some point in her life, so I think she had no clue how to raise a child. I only knew enough to know that, even though I turned out fairly well, the way about it, wasn't quite right.

I guess there are people out there that think their parents did a fantastic job...I just don't know them.

Let me save you some trouble

I heard a commercial today say that women don't want generic, cookie cutter, fast food, engagement rings. They want designer rings. Embarrassing as I find this, I will have to admit, it is true. So let me give you a piece of free advice. If your woman is like this, put the ring down...and run. You are facing a world of heartache with a person you will never, ever, be able to please.

5 years

Five years ago was October 2008, yes, I know you could do the math. Five years ago today my Mom died. This occurred to me today while eating lunch. So much has happened in those five years. A period of time that both seems so distant, and yet, just a slight reach away.