Nook Color...finally

As the titles states, I finally started using my Nook Color. It's what...4 months old? I had a ton of physical books when I bought it. I still have a few, but decided it was time. After all, I'd like to use it before the warranty runs out. I read 6-7 chapters of the Hunger Games last night. I really, really like it. I don't have to hold the book open. That may not seem like a big deal...unless you have tendinitis in your thumbs. The 1100+ page books of the Game of Thrones series has not helped in the least. I love that I can look up words that are unfamiliar. Usually, I just assume the meaning by the context and move along...no longer. Most importantly, I am not a slave to the light source in the room. This is major to me! I can sit wherever I like, comfortably, and not struggle to see the page. The only potential downside that I see at this point...books don't have to be plugged in.

What the future holds.

I want to quit worrying. Don't we all. I have myself just about convinced, then someone has to raise the subject and add their log to my butt roast. I jumped to a new ship in June and it seems almost immediately we were taking on water. There sits that big elephant in the middle of the lido deck and no news is not always good news. I don't want to start over. I like what I'm doing. And I have this small ::cough:: fear that I may find myself on a raft if I get dumped in the sea. I can't help but think the entire crew knows the score but nobody is sharing with me. That is unlikely, as most places leak like Swiss cheese. But it gnaws at me. I want to either sit back and bask in the glow of my PC monitor or take swimming lessons.

Humorless

I seem to have lost my humor. I have been trying, but no luck. I am not in a bad mood. I don't feel particularly bad. I think with all the retraining and resettling I have going on, the mind has shifted into serious mode. I don't like it. I need to write, free form, just to get the mind in a different mode. But I seem also to be without subject matter that matters to me.

Things will eventually sort out, for good or for bad. Life will settle down or get hectic. Either way, I will find myself eventually. I look forward to the new year, everything should be known by then. I will either be job hunting or planning my vacation. We'll see.

I had a dream...

Mine are never as spectacular as MLK's...thought you should know up front.

In my dream, I was asked if I had a hobby. I replied that I whittled (I don't). The next obvious inquiry, of course, is, what do you make when you whittle?

I had a grandfather that made stuff, I guess toys, with working parts, like pliers.

Even in my own dreams, what do I make when I whittle? I make sticks disappear.

How disappointing.

Addendum to previous post...

Also, when I buy multiples of something in different colors...as I often do, they should fit the same. If I find a pair of pants that fit perfectly, I will buy 3-4 pair in different colors, in of course, all the same size. So why will one pair not fit at all? I have found this is true with about every clothing option; pants, shirts, bras, underwear...everything except

An open letter to clothes manufacturers:

I am an adult woman. Middle-aged, I suppose. And probably considered plus-sized. Not that any of that should matter. I have a professional life and a play life. I don't want to dress like a teenager, but I'm not ready for the nursing home either. Which seems to be my choices...juniors or seniors, I mean, ladies/misses. I want clothes that are comfortable, stylish, affordable and durable. I used to have trouble finding pants long enough (I'm 5' 7"), now it's the shirts. I have a longer than usual torso, but I am not alone in this issue. I want shirts long enough that don't show my midriff every time I raise my arms. This has become a huge annoyance for me, especially at work. For the prices I pay, you'd think you could add a few extra inches of fabric to the bottom. And why can't I buy that cute shirt in a larger size? You sure cater to the XS crowd.

Signed, Adult sized and short shirted.

Borrowed words...

I heard a piece tonight from comedienne Wendy Liebman. There was something about it. I had to find it online so that I could share it.

(slightly edited)

Prepare, show up, do your best, and learn for next time.
Life is what’s right in front of you. Try to live in the moment.
Get to know the people who are closest. Respect everybody else. Don’t forget the back.
Trust your instincts.
Never attack the weak.
You are equal to everyone. You are idiosyncratic and unique.
Hear what your hecklers and critics have to say.
Transform negativity into healthy competition.
People communicate through speech and sounds, movement and silence.
Be really specific.
Know what you want.
Choose words carefully.
Deliberate (think) and be deliberate (speak and do).
This is not a dress rehearsal, but you are a work in progress.
Some of the best moments can’t be planned. There is always a bit of luck and magic involved.
Know when to be serious.
Don’t take the obvious for granted. Remember to breathe and stand up.
Artistic license is freedom either to tell the truth or to use your imagination, and to not have to say which is which.
Sometimes you’re great. Sometimes you suck. Most of the time you’re fine.
Persistence, patience, and listening are the key.
Laugh at yourself while keeping your dignity.
Remember that dying is inevitable – hopefully it won’t be tonight. When it happens, it probably won’t be your fault. And it might not be the last time.
Hope that everyone dies laughing.

Today's random thought

As I turned down the thermostat this morning I glimpsed the future. 

There will come a day when there is a hypothyroid husband and a menopausal woman living in my house. 

Things may get ugly. 

Forgiveness

I have decided that it is hard to truly forgive. I have done it. Forgave...and forgotten. Sometimes that has come back to bite me in the ass. You can forgive and move on, sometimes with, and sometimes without, that person. Forgiving and moving beyond that person is probably done mostly for your own sanity. Forgiving and accepting that person back into your life...can make you very vulnerable. Opening yourself up to someone that has proven untrustworthy once, that is not easy. I learn from my mistakes and you won't get a second chance...or would that be a third chance?

There have been a lot of things happening recently that have turned my thoughts to trust and forgiveness. Some even have me questioning my ability to read people...a skill, I confess, that I have not honed well. Some of that is from trusting people to be what they seem. It is a painful truth that people will lie to you on the very bases of who they are.

As far as forgiveness, it is a skill too. A decision based on the best knowledge you possess at the moment. A decision possibly based on your heart more than your head. It is painful to be betrayed by someone that is important in your life...and so much easier to forgive and pretend it did not happen. A misunderstanding. Proximity makes it easier to forgive. I think the more distance, and time, that passes the harder it is to forgive. With time, events are replayed and examined...over and over and in fine detail. With distance, you realize life does indeed go on without that person being a part of it. 

And sometimes, there just isn't enough, "I'm sorry." in the world.

Reminding myself...

What I hear is not necessarily what you meant to say. I may take offense when none was meant. I am a master at sarcasm, but wonder if I miss it from those less talented.

How I feel...

I'm not sure how even to express that thought. Why is it that I find a certain situation awkward? When I am seldom uncomfortable. Am I picking up on a subtle vibe? Or am I reading into it? Expecting the wrong thing? Too much expectation? Not everyone is as quickly acclimatized as I am.

I have to make the choice how I feel. I always say you can not tell me how I feel or think is wrong. If I say the sky is orange. You can argue with me that my facts are wrong. If I say I think the snow is purple...

If I feel like a third wheel, I do not need to know the source of the feeling...only that it is real to me.

A correction...

I often feel the need to correct the flaw in some people's thinking. I hear, on occasion, the bragging of men regarding their ability to, and obvious convenience of, being able to stand and pee. For some strange reason, men seem to think this makes them superior. Contrary to popular belief, women can urinate standing up...it's the aim we have difficulty with.

And that reminds me of a joke....


Seems God was just about done creating the universe, but he had two extra things left in his bag of creations, so he decided to split them between Adam and Eve. He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to stand up while urinating. "It's a very handy thing," God told the couple, who he found under an apple tree. "I was wondering if either one of you wanted that ability." Adam jumped up and blurted, "Oh, give that to me! I'd love to be able to do that! It seems a sort of thing a man should do. Oh please, oh please, oh please, let me have that ability. It'd be so great! When I'm working in the garden or naming the animals, I could just stand there and let it fly. It'd be so cool. I could write my name in the sand. Oh please God, let it be me who you give that gift to, let me stand and pee, oh please......" On and on he went like an excited little boy who had to pee. Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted that so badly, that he should have it. It seemed to be the sort of thing that would make him happy, and she really wouldn't mind if Adam were the one given this ability. And so Adam was given the ability to control the direction of his misdirection while in a vertical position. He was happy and did celebrate by wetting down the bark on the tree nearest him, laughing with delight all the while. And it was good. "Fine," God said, looking back into his bag of leftover gifts. "What's left here? Oh yes, multiple orgasms....."