Danger Will Robinson

If you don't get that reference, you are probably too young to be reading my thoughts. You may want to step away. Why danger? I am on emotional/stress overload. I think I have indeed found the straw. This is not new, just renewed. I reach a point where my ability to cope is overwhelmed by a flood of issues and emotions. This is the point where, before, I sat down and cried. I'm trying to get out of that. Problem is my other alternative stress relievers aren't working out so good...or are illegal. No not drugs. More like the desire to beat on someone...thing. I do not have a healthy outlet for my aggression. Wait, wrong. I don't currently have an outlet. LARP battle is a great way to expend that energy, but that is still a few months away. I wish I could move some of the other stuff a few months away. It's all coming like an avalanche down a mountain. Quick run down: facing losing my job---I have a few months, job interview tomorrow---I find this utterly anxiety producing, going out of the country---endless planning, because, well, it's all MY responsibility, worried the trip is going to disintegrate in front of my very eyes because of a friend's sudden and very unexpected personal issue---worried about said friend and family, and I keep reminding myself not to get so tied up in planning, interviewing and worrying, that I forget Valentine's Day, both of my son's birthdays and my wedding anniversary---all of which fall within the next 19 days. Jeez, I guess there should have been a period in there somewhere. God no! Punctuation, period. Take a deep breath. Time to make a list...and take a Xanax. If I write down the "to do's" I won't have to keep recirculating them worrying I will forget. The Xanax just makes it so I don't care...as much. Who am I kidding, that is why I have Xanax, I don't take it. Maybe I should invest in kick boxing classes. Like I could afford to break...me.