I am trying to be a little more creative in my thought processes rather than just say what I think. Not that there is anything wrong with saying what you think. I frequently do. But nobody really wants to read about what is sucking in my life at the moment...nor honestly do I want to beat that particular dead horse. But I think I am tired and I can't seem to find two brain cells to rub together to get friction. Not that I would necessarily get fire with friction. I think my brain cells are a little mushy at the moment. They need drying out...on a beach. Or drowning in some fine, high octane, tequila. I think I'll go to bed, switch the brain channel to Mexico and see if I can't order up a grand dose mental vacation.
May 31, 2011
How do I say this?
Let me count the ways...
I am trying to be a little more creative in my thought processes rather than just say what I think. Not that there is anything wrong with saying what you think. I frequently do. But nobody really wants to read about what is sucking in my life at the moment...nor honestly do I want to beat that particular dead horse. But I think I am tired and I can't seem to find two brain cells to rub together to get friction. Not that I would necessarily get fire with friction. I think my brain cells are a little mushy at the moment. They need drying out...on a beach. Or drowning in some fine, high octane, tequila. I think I'll go to bed, switch the brain channel to Mexico and see if I can't order up a grand dose mental vacation.
I am trying to be a little more creative in my thought processes rather than just say what I think. Not that there is anything wrong with saying what you think. I frequently do. But nobody really wants to read about what is sucking in my life at the moment...nor honestly do I want to beat that particular dead horse. But I think I am tired and I can't seem to find two brain cells to rub together to get friction. Not that I would necessarily get fire with friction. I think my brain cells are a little mushy at the moment. They need drying out...on a beach. Or drowning in some fine, high octane, tequila. I think I'll go to bed, switch the brain channel to Mexico and see if I can't order up a grand dose mental vacation.
May 30, 2011
New and...improved?
I have redesigned it. It isn't quicker or faster. It isn't smarter. But I was bored, so...
May 29, 2011
Have I mentioned...
how much I hate bugs? Not every bug. Many are useful. But some are nothing, to my knowledge, but down right annoying. After my previous post expounding on my great adventures in the wild, I must share that I HATE ticks and chiggers! Oh, and mosquitoes! I bug sprayed prior to leaving yesterday morning, paying special attention to my waist band and ankles...as last Fall I got a severe case of the chiggers. I found the tick yesterday when I got home. Today the small cluster of chigger bites on the back of my arm has made itself known. I immediately had a flash of lying down in the grass very briefly, maybe a minute, even less...stupid me. Now I have the creepy crawlies.
And in case you still think chiggers burrow under your skin....Creepy crawlies from my previous adventure.
And in case you still think chiggers burrow under your skin....Creepy crawlies from my previous adventure.LARPing...from the other side of the curtain
I have written on this subject before, I am sure. I am a self admitted geek. I have a co-worker that has some vague idea about what larping is, she says I'm a "L"oser (with laughter...and love). I have had more than one person look at me as if I were insane while trying to explain the activity. I am weird. I'm okay with that...but then apparently so are a great number of people I know. Our Facebook group has greater than, that would be this symbol >, 250 members. Anyway, I am not here to defend the hobby. And for those that may find this, and are actually still reading...
LARP: A role-playing game in which the participants assume the roles of fictional characters. Participants determine the actions of their characters based on their characterization, and the actions succeed or fail according to a formal system of rules and guidelines. Within the rules, players have the freedom to improvise; their choices shape the direction and outcome of the game. There is a variety of role-playing game in which players perform their character's physical actions, known as live action role-playing games.
In our case, a swords and dagger, cloak and claw variety. So, anyway...
I spent somewhere in the neighborhood 13 hours running around in the local state park yesterday. Fresh air. Sunshine. Activity. Many people much younger than myself...and a lot that act older than me by degrees. I am learning the ropes, so to speak, of putting together the plot of the story. It's sort of hard to explain. I am, one of many, that is there to guide the story and provide entertainment...we are what happens to the players. I've been doing this side of the game for a year or so and am just now earning some trust of those that run the game. I am getting bigger parts to play, more story, more talking...more fear that I am going to screw something up. Imagine if you had to make something up, as our encounters with players are random, and you only know but a tiny piece of the whole fabric of a story. It's like having read a chapter, or sometimes even a page, of a book and having someone quiz you on the book. Sometime it feels like that book is their biography. They know more than you.
After having played in games a decade or so, God I am old, I am seeing how hard it is to run one. The props, make up, costuming, characters, timing, rules...keeping it all straight. It is all very much like a play. People need to know their lines (with only a general outline instead of a well rehearsed script), be dressed appropriate to the character and be in the proper position at the right time. Then throw in the improv. People don't show up, things get lost, something takes longer than expected and runs into another planned encounter. And sometimes, people don't react as expected...no matter how hard you guide them to something. So you suddenly find yourself scrambling to keep the flow as your wrecked story line goes tumbling over the dam. What fun! Sometimes it's not a big deal, but sometimes this is a plot line that is supposed to flow out into the future of the game, to be built upon and revisited...you know, in the sequel.
It is hard work and hot (outdoors) and gritty (did I mention costuming and makeup...oh and outdoors, in the summer heat...with like, bugs) and I look forward to it every time.
LARP: A role-playing game in which the participants assume the roles of fictional characters. Participants determine the actions of their characters based on their characterization, and the actions succeed or fail according to a formal system of rules and guidelines. Within the rules, players have the freedom to improvise; their choices shape the direction and outcome of the game. There is a variety of role-playing game in which players perform their character's physical actions, known as live action role-playing games.
In our case, a swords and dagger, cloak and claw variety. So, anyway...
I spent somewhere in the neighborhood 13 hours running around in the local state park yesterday. Fresh air. Sunshine. Activity. Many people much younger than myself...and a lot that act older than me by degrees. I am learning the ropes, so to speak, of putting together the plot of the story. It's sort of hard to explain. I am, one of many, that is there to guide the story and provide entertainment...we are what happens to the players. I've been doing this side of the game for a year or so and am just now earning some trust of those that run the game. I am getting bigger parts to play, more story, more talking...more fear that I am going to screw something up. Imagine if you had to make something up, as our encounters with players are random, and you only know but a tiny piece of the whole fabric of a story. It's like having read a chapter, or sometimes even a page, of a book and having someone quiz you on the book. Sometime it feels like that book is their biography. They know more than you.
After having played in games a decade or so, God I am old, I am seeing how hard it is to run one. The props, make up, costuming, characters, timing, rules...keeping it all straight. It is all very much like a play. People need to know their lines (with only a general outline instead of a well rehearsed script), be dressed appropriate to the character and be in the proper position at the right time. Then throw in the improv. People don't show up, things get lost, something takes longer than expected and runs into another planned encounter. And sometimes, people don't react as expected...no matter how hard you guide them to something. So you suddenly find yourself scrambling to keep the flow as your wrecked story line goes tumbling over the dam. What fun! Sometimes it's not a big deal, but sometimes this is a plot line that is supposed to flow out into the future of the game, to be built upon and revisited...you know, in the sequel.
It is hard work and hot (outdoors) and gritty (did I mention costuming and makeup...oh and outdoors, in the summer heat...with like, bugs) and I look forward to it every time.
May 27, 2011
A nice compliment/Saying good-bye
A doctor came by today to say good-bye. He had resigned to move on to another position prior to my decision to do the same. Today was his last day...I still have two weeks. He told me that he would truly miss me, that no matter his mood, I was always able to put a smile on his face. He continued, saying that I possessed a rare talent. I took that as a compliment. Brightening someones day, when I am just being me...sarcastic, opinionated, flippant, is a bonus. As he started to walk away, he turned back and said, "And you're a damn fine care manager too." I appreciated the vote of confidence. One of those things I hope to take with me, the other, I hope to leave behind.
May 25, 2011
Where my brain is...
I have to ask myself why my last three blog posts have included food references...pictures even.
Another one of life's questions
I have previously considered, and written about, the things we do day in and day out without really thinking about them. This morning, I realized another one.
I know few people that eat the heel of the bread. Around here, we open the loaf and dig beyond that first slice for the launching pad of a great...or even mediocre, sandwich. This is repeated throughout the life of the loaf until end meets end. I hate to think of how many years I have been repeating this pattern over and over. Then, suddenly this morning, while making toast, my brain asks, "Why don't you toss out that impediment of bread?" Permanently removing it from the equation. Not like it serves a purpose. Doesn't keep the bread fresher. Doesn't serve as bookend to the loaf. Hmmm, I wondered. Why haven't I thought of this before? Why today?
Then I twisted the twisty tie around the loose end of the bread sleeve and tossed it back in the cabinet...only missing the squishy soft slices from the center.
I know few people that eat the heel of the bread. Around here, we open the loaf and dig beyond that first slice for the launching pad of a great...or even mediocre, sandwich. This is repeated throughout the life of the loaf until end meets end. I hate to think of how many years I have been repeating this pattern over and over. Then, suddenly this morning, while making toast, my brain asks, "Why don't you toss out that impediment of bread?" Permanently removing it from the equation. Not like it serves a purpose. Doesn't keep the bread fresher. Doesn't serve as bookend to the loaf. Hmmm, I wondered. Why haven't I thought of this before? Why today?
May 24, 2011
Crash and burn
Apparently, I have hit my emotional wall. That place where little things become overwhelming. Jeez, it seems I've used that word a lot lately...overwhelmed. Therein lies the problem, when life exceeds your coping mechanisms. I was chugging along just fine, until someone had to throw their problems under my bus. Can't control the world...despite my every effort. This too shall pass. A good nights sleep and I get to start over tomorrow.
But, maybe first...ice cream.
I eat my problems. Sue me.
But, maybe first...ice cream.
I eat my problems. Sue me.
May 19, 2011
Peas
I am feeling a bit overwhelmed...not terribly surprising considering the mouthful I have chomped off. I have great faith in myself. I know I can...and I usually do. But every now and then the plate gets a little too full. I am having trouble concentrating on completing one job as I try to prepare for the other. My mind is moving forward, out pacing the passing of time. I am ten steps ahead and my ass is trying to catch up. This is nothing new to me. I am a take charge, move ahead person...once I make a decision. Making the decision can be a much slower process, but then I jump in feet first, full steam ahead.
I was explaining to someone today that I am a visual thinker. I often relate experiences to images in my head. I don't know if I am explaining that clearly, but heres the point...life feels like a plate full of peas and someone keeps dumping mashed potatoes into the center causing the peas to run over. The peas are what I'm leaving behind, the mashed potatoes what I am pursuing and I'm tired of chasing peas.
I was explaining to someone today that I am a visual thinker. I often relate experiences to images in my head. I don't know if I am explaining that clearly, but heres the point...life feels like a plate full of peas and someone keeps dumping mashed potatoes into the center causing the peas to run over. The peas are what I'm leaving behind, the mashed potatoes what I am pursuing and I'm tired of chasing peas.
May 18, 2011
We have lift off
The title comes from a former post, if you are lost. Come on, you have to keep up. Life moves fast.
I have jettisoned myself into infinity and beyond. Without a safety net. I took a new job. Leaving behind 14 years of seniority and everything, person and place that I know as far as work goes. I am praying to all the powers that be, that it not be a bumpy road.
I have jettisoned myself into infinity and beyond. Without a safety net. I took a new job. Leaving behind 14 years of seniority and everything, person and place that I know as far as work goes. I am praying to all the powers that be, that it not be a bumpy road.
May 14, 2011
Make-up and illusion
As previously posted, just a few of my "characters"...
Some were simple...some were not.
 |
| My 1st zombie for Louisville Zombie Walk |
 |
| A LARP character |
 |
| Snake...sort of. |
 |
| Elf...I actually did this for work. |
 |
| Witch |
 |
| Cat...technically, Puss from Puss 'n' Boots |
 |
| Nyx |
Some were simple...some were not.
Don't let the eye fool you
There is one change I am particularly proud of. Oh, and when I start playing like this, it is a sure sign that I am bored. Now you can play "spot the difference."
Have fun.
NCIS
This is one of the few television shows I almost watch. Almost, as in the TV is on, and I may or may not be doing other things, like reading. It is unusual for me to watch TV and more so for me to be paying undivided attention. Anyway...
Just like books, I sometimes catch something that just makes me smile. NCIS had such a line the other night.
Gibbs: “Glad you could come, Mike.”
Mike Franks: “Me, too. Offer me a drink.
Gibbs: "It's 6:00 in the morning.”
Mike Franks: “So float a Cheerio in it!"
May 13, 2011
Puzzled?
I often write about things that...I can't write about. Legal issues. Not my story to tell. Too much personal information. Emotionally painful crap that I just don't want to share but I need to work out in my head. Writing is therapy. People that are involved or in the know, understand exactly what I reference. It's hidden in the words, but easily unlocked if you possess a super-friend decipher ring. They don't come in cereal boxes and I guard them jealously. Why do I mention this? Because I have anxiety to work off...and I can't talk about it. Damn.
I have stepped outside my comfort zone. It isn't irreversible, yet. Though I am heading at a pretty good clip down the runway...aiming straight for the edge of a cliff with nothing but homemade wings. I am not so sure how these bastards are going to hold up either. I'm ready for the leap...I think. The anxiety is compounded by the fact that someone else is in the control tower. They've approved my flight plan and started the count down, but I am still waiting for the "go". Houston, we do not have liftoff. Just kind of stalling on the lift pad. Burning fuel. Fueling anxiety. I am not good at not being in control. Could you guess? Patience is not my virtue and honestly, I'm not sure what is. So here I sit, teed up for lift off, surrounded by my flimsy but hard earned wings, questioning my sanity and waiting for the control tower to give me the green light...and they have all the time in the world.
I have stepped outside my comfort zone. It isn't irreversible, yet. Though I am heading at a pretty good clip down the runway...aiming straight for the edge of a cliff with nothing but homemade wings. I am not so sure how these bastards are going to hold up either. I'm ready for the leap...I think. The anxiety is compounded by the fact that someone else is in the control tower. They've approved my flight plan and started the count down, but I am still waiting for the "go". Houston, we do not have liftoff. Just kind of stalling on the lift pad. Burning fuel. Fueling anxiety. I am not good at not being in control. Could you guess? Patience is not my virtue and honestly, I'm not sure what is. So here I sit, teed up for lift off, surrounded by my flimsy but hard earned wings, questioning my sanity and waiting for the control tower to give me the green light...and they have all the time in the world.
May 02, 2011
The death of a terrorist
I am not an expert. I don't watch the news regularly or generally follow politics. I found the news of Osama bin Laden's death on Facebook not CNN. He was, in my opinion, a crazed man that twisted religion to support, and gather followers, for his subversive ideas. But I find the celebrations in the streets following the announcement of his assassination unsettling. It feels wrong to celebrate death.
I spent a little time looking around the internet this evening...even CNN. I listened to the local and national news. I wondered what other people thought and felt. The range of emotions were wide, from cheering in the streets to quiet reflection. I looked inside myself and asked, how do I feel about this?
Am I glad he's dead? Yes, I believe I am.
Do I believe his death will make a difference? I fear not. There is always another radical willing to step up. They'll just make him a martyr. I fear retaliation.
Should it have been done? I think I would have rather he was captured...but that would have just led to a long drawn out legal battle and all sorts of security issues. This probably was better. After all, it's already been 9 1/2 years since the attacks in 2001.
Do I feel better about the celebrations? No.
I have come to a conclusion with my soul searching. I'd like to think the people are cheering, not because a man was killed, but because of the perceived end of the evil he stood for.
Naive? Perhaps.
I spent a little time looking around the internet this evening...even CNN. I listened to the local and national news. I wondered what other people thought and felt. The range of emotions were wide, from cheering in the streets to quiet reflection. I looked inside myself and asked, how do I feel about this?
Am I glad he's dead? Yes, I believe I am.
Do I believe his death will make a difference? I fear not. There is always another radical willing to step up. They'll just make him a martyr. I fear retaliation.
Should it have been done? I think I would have rather he was captured...but that would have just led to a long drawn out legal battle and all sorts of security issues. This probably was better. After all, it's already been 9 1/2 years since the attacks in 2001.
Do I feel better about the celebrations? No.
I have come to a conclusion with my soul searching. I'd like to think the people are cheering, not because a man was killed, but because of the perceived end of the evil he stood for.
Naive? Perhaps.
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