Nurses have stories. They have seen about everything that can be done to a body, voluntarily and involuntarily. Part of my job frequently has me reading Emergency Department (ED), it's no longer ER, notes. Many of the things I read are scary or sad...a few are nothing short of miracles. But every now and then I come across a tale so far fetched...
These often involve, um, foreign objects. That, would be something that doesn't belong in the human body. And in this particular instance, we'll limit the body to primarily one orifice...give me a break, I'm trying to keep this PG. As far as I've been able to tell, nobody ever walks in to the ED and tells the truth about how this mishap occurred. I often wonder how much time is spent concocting these stories (We also get them for how someone accidentally ingested drugs. And just so you know, nobody believes you passed out and just happened to breathe in the cocaine.) Stories run the gamut from muggings that involved the placement of mysterious foreign object to all sorts of accidents...hanging curtains naked? Bet the neighbors adore you. Slipped. Fell. Say you can see it happening? The lube on the, um, object gives you away every time.
So here's my advice:
1. Never place an object inside a body cavity that was not specifically designed for the purpose. Any body cavity, including your nose and ears.
2. If you ignore #1, go to the ED, don't waste time making up a plausible ::cough:: story and take your lumps, fess up. You may be a little embarrassed, you were warned, but nobody is ever going to believe that story you're concocting.
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