Still here

I suspect I am suffering from depression. I am not terribly sad, and I know that doesn't sound logical, but I am having anxiety issues. The anxiety seems to be based on a sudden, and unexplainable, fear I have of dying. Want more illogical? This sudden fear of dying seems to come from the fact that I have a lot of terrific things, large and small, planned out over the rest of this year. So if life is good, why would I be depressed?

Never said it had to make sense.

Birthday 2011

Yesterday, I turned 49. That means today, I start the march towards 50...364 days. My age does not bother me, it is irrelevant. The aches and pains of aging, however, are much harder to ignore. I really do feel the difference, not day to day, but about every 5 years I know I have become a little less agile. I find myself asking if I am "too old" for things. I assure myself that is society mentality. Why would I be too old to do things I enjoy? And, oh, how I can enjoy! I plan to celebrate over the next few days with friends...just an excuse to do what I always do, have a good time. So far this year, there have been no surprises...well, no big extravagant surprises, but after the last few years, I find myself on alert. My spidey sense is tingling. And if nothing is afoot, I will not be disappointed...but NEXT year...

 my 50th birthday will fall on a Friday.

Batten down the hatches, hoist the mainsail, hide your sons and daughters, 50 lashes...damn, got myself excited! Maybe I need to go sit in my rocking chair, this much excitement isn't good on an old girl.

Screw that.

Random thought of the day

Life is the one place, where when you loose something, it is seldom a good idea to retrace your steps to find it.

Life moves forward or it ceases to be life.

2011

Happy New Year

Again

Why do we hold such hope that the new year will bring something better? Great job, lose weight, find love, whatever...it is all possible with a brand new year. I guess the optimism makes for a much better New Year's Eve party. Like many things we add value to, the marking of a new year is a man-made event without any type of mystical significance. We get to throw out the old calendar and hang a new one. We have to learn to write a new number designation on everything. And we make resolutions that usually fade quicker than learning to write the new year. I partied with friends last night. Took down the Christmas tree this morning, for no other reason than it was time. I'll get around to the new calendar eventually. I won't be eating special food today for luck...NO corned beef, black eyed peas or whatever it's supposed to be. I'm not making resolutions. Instead, I'd like to say thank you to my husband for making my life what it is. We have influenced each other greatly over 30+ years. To my sons, I wish you happiness, contentment and safe passage in the new year. To my grandson, that is way too young to understand, the next year will hold more wonders and learning experiences...everything is new and shiny. So many firsts. Last, but definitely not least, I want to thank my friends for keeping me sane and occupied. You have touched my life...and, in some cases, me, in more ways than I could ever imagine. I am happy that you have allowed me to share in your life. So, happy new year everyone...may it be all that you desire.