The Big C

Today, I found out I have cancer. The big C. Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia (CLL). It could have been worse. Maybe it will be. Maybe I'll conquer it. I was diagnosed with Monoclonal B lymphocytosis (MBL) last December. I was told there was nothing to do. Come back in a year. There was a 1% chance that I would develop CLL within a year. I did it in 7 months. Just like me, a real go-getter. They told me in December, that the only reason I knew there was a problem, is because I am a nurse watching my labs. My WBC (white blood count) was steadily increasing, without an infection. I didn't feel sick, I just knew my labs were wrong. The difference between MBL and CLL is a lab valve. Below 5000, MBL, above 5000, CLL. I'm sure there is probably more to it. But that is basically how it was explained to me. I still don't feel sick. The Oncologist said, I may never feel sick. I've already beat the 1% chance, so what are my odds? I am stage I. Because of my insistence to have someone explain that WBC, it was diagnosed early. That doesn't seem so important with CLL. There isn't a treatment for the disease, only for the symptoms. Though, the doctor said there is promising research. There might be treatment in a couple of years. So here is hoping that I am the bad ass I think I am. The funny thing, I haven't shed a single tear today. I knew what was coming. I have labs drawn every 2 months for my rheumatoid disease. I watched the lab values rise above that line. I was prepared for the news. Things are easier to bear when they don't smack you upside the head, out of left field. I've told my family and a few select friends. Not that it's a secret. I don't really do secrets. I just can't deal with the sympathy. I can't keep control of my own emotions in the face of others.

It's been a rough couple of years. October 2016, I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Disease/Arthritis. The following May, Diabetes, and December 2017 MBL and now CLL--21 months, less than 2 years. I am beginning to feel a little picked on. But I will be strong.