Battle of the BUG

I had every intention of going out. But I had been doing this and doing that, and when I became an object at rest, with a book in my hands...

Who am I to mess with the laws of physics?

My rest, relaxation and reading are disturbed when I am notified that there is a really BIG bug in the bathroom. I approached the bathroom, imagining the worst--Godzilla cockroach! If you've ever been introduced to palmetto bugs or hissing cockroaches, you have the correct mental image. I boldly enter the bathroom, unarmed even, and approach the location that has been indicated. Now, I must inform you, that I have been sent on this mission by one of the males of my household. I suspect this has been done, in hopes of witnessing the extremely rare instance of me squealing like a girl, or actually admitting to being afraid of something. What I find, much to my relief, is a cicada. Of course, this thing is bigger than any cockroach, and much, much, more...launchable. I grab some tissue and pick Mr Bigbug up. If it had been a cockroach, he would have been sentenced to immediate death by drowning, but a cicada will be released back to nature. I have my prejudices. I walk outside and open my tissue encased hand, Mr Bigbug stares at me with his beady red eyes. You are not going to make me feel guilty. My house, your yard, compromise. After several attempts at failure to launch, I place him and his tissue on top of the garbage can. Negotiations complete, or so I think. I walk the 12 feet, or so, towards the back door. Guess who beat me there? I hear him smack his bug head against the glass door and land on the deck at my feet. Stealthy he is not. OK, I am smarter than the average cicada. I am not going to open the door with you resting on the threshold. Come on, give me some credit. I take my foot and...bump him, with the intentions of redirection. Goal accomplished, he flies up my skirt! When I say goal accomplished, I mean both, that Mr Bigbug has been redirected and I may have, possibly, squealed. There was, I know for a fact, significant dancing going on, and the consideration of stripping off my maxi-dress, on the spot. I do not have much fear of bugs, but bumping around inside my long skirt, he is in very personal space! Hopefully, there were no witnesses to my failed negotiations, as I have no idea just how high that skirt got in my surrender. After proving that he was superior, he released me and allowed me to go back inside, alone.