A lot has happened in the last few months...as tends to happen with life.
Mom was diagnosed with, and died from, lung cancer. All in the span of four months and just 25 months after Dad. I have not LOST my parents, I know exactly where they are...unless of course the crematorium screwed up. I hate that phrase.
A very dear friend is going through a divorce after 31 years of marriage. Fifty percent of marriages end in divorce, the rest end in death. There is no happily ever after. This, in turn, has caused us to change long awaited vacation plans...as no one wanted to travel with the soon to be ex-husband and his mistress, former friend to us all. What an ugly mess.
A former long time friend that decided she didn't want me anymore has tried several times to knock on the door. This is the second time she has discarded me like so much trash. The first time, I swung the door wide and greeted her with open arms. This time will be much more difficult...if at all possible. That actually happened awhile back...15 months. Yes, it still hurts. She came to Mom's funeral. She hadn't came to Dad's and we were talking then. Maybe I was supposed to embrace her in a moment of weakness...sorry, life isn't like the movies. She said she missed me and loved me. It hurt even more.
Wow...let the flood gates open.
A friend called me stoic today. It hurt...maybe because he was too close to the truth. I don't show my emotions like other people. I'm not even sure I feel emotions like other people. Yes, I have pain, sadness, grief, joy, happiness...
It just seems easier to keep them all in a nice little contained bundle where I can keep an eye, and perhaps, and iron hand on them.
Guess what? That's what stoic means.
Damn.
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