Memories

I have been plagued by memories over the last day, a sense of deja vu. Without going into a lot of detail, lets just say...I broke down a bit yesterday. And while it was a very brief lapse, it released a flood of memories of very similar circumstances. I spent a good deal of time, previously, testing the theory of Occam's Razor. Once all the horses were eliminated, they started testing me for zebras. I remember the doctors talking about sending me to the Mayo Clinic. I had all these symptoms, but no diagnosis. Over time, the symptoms finally abated...I'm talking years. A lot of it was chalked up to fibromyalgia. After an MRI picked up my Chiari I defect (A birth defect that allows brain tissue to extend into the spinal canal.), I assumed that had been some of the issue. I used to joke, saying, "They thought it was all in my head. Oh, look they were right!" Now, I am looking at my current condition, and thinking, this is feeling way too familiar. I hope I am wrong. I hope I am not going to have to deal with this again. Maybe medicine has gotten better. Just like the MRIs that suddenly started seeing Chiari defects that were once only seen at autopsy. Maybe there is a test now, that can "see" what this is. But I don't have the time or strength to be a guinea pig.

Words...a favorite topic

I frequently write about words. They are so important. I guess I need to use them and find better titles for my posts about them, but today...that is just too much effort.

I have, for the past week, been fatigued. That is the word that best described how I was feeling. All I wanted was to crawl into bed. Well, with work and life, hibernating was not an option. Until my doctor told me Wednesday that I was to leave work, go home, rest and hydrate. And, something odd happened, I followed her instructions. To. The. Letter. I slept off and on most of Wednesday afternoon, until about 4:30. I was back in bed at 11 and slept the night away. I drank enough water to float a battleship.

Thursday, I felt...better. Not good, but improved. I spent the day watching TV and drinking more water.

Today, I got up with every intention of returning to work. The problem with feeling better when you're doing nothing, is you have no idea how you will feel when you go back to your routine. By the time I had been standing 20 minutes, I could feel the muscles in my legs quivering. I realized by the time I was dressed and ready to go, I was going to be exhausted again. I called in. After all, my doctor had originally told me to take the rest of the week off. I just thought I knew better. I hate calling in.

Unfortunately, by the time I sat down, my mind had changed fatigue into weakness. This is where we get into words. I had been fatigued for a week. I can accept fatigued. Weakness, however, is different. I am not weak. I do not accept weak. Weak scares me.

Arguments

People argue. It seems to be the nature of the beast. We have differing opinions, but, in this country, that is supposed to be allowed. I don't think anyone will disagree with me, up to this point.

Here's the problem:

People don't seem to be able to disagree and remain amicable. Few seems to embrace, live and let live, agree to disagree, or I'll show you mine...oh, wait, bad example. There is name calling and fighting. It gets ugly.

I am generally talking about things that I'd like to say, aren't always important. But I can't. They are important to someone. If people did not feel it was so important, they wouldn't keep arguing about them. Well, at least, most people. There are some that just argue for the sake of it.

When people argue, they believe they are right and the other person is an ignorant (add  various insults) ass. And, usually, no amount of screaming and hollering is going to change either mind. Even in the face of facts.

Facts are facts. I'd like to say facts never change, but, science...and well, Pluto. I've lived long enough to see facts change, and sometimes, change again. But with evidence. Science.

Feelings are feelings. How you feel is based on a myriad of different things. How you feel can change frequently. The divorce rate should be all the evidence you need.

So do you base your arguments on facts or feelings? I don't think we can even agree on the difference. We base our arguments on truth. The one and only truth, that we hold to our heart with a death grip from hell. So we argue. Endlessly.

Sorry to disappoint, if you actually thought I could fix anything. I'm just the observer.


And, I should add one of my favorite thoughts---Don't believe everything you think.

History

So much on social media and news bothers me. I am not here to take sides. I can see both sides. It is one of my greatest assets, or one of my greatest flaws. But, it seems to me, that we are trying awfully hard to rewrite, or erase, history. Pull down the rebel flag, or battle flag of the confederacy; I guess, depending on which side you are on. As some are offended by it. I hear they are moving a confederate soldier, a general, I believe. So that people will not be offended by picnicking in the park where he is buried. How long has this park been there? Think about it...Civil War. They are going to change the names of roads that bear the names of confederate leaders. No big deal, you think? What about when they decide to destroy Mount Rushmore? Thomas Jefferson owned slaves. George Washington set about to annihilate the American Indians. I am sure with a little digging, I could come up with something on Lincoln and Roosevelt. What other monuments to our forefathers would be at risk if we really looked back at history? What about the White House? Lots of crap has gone down there! History is not always pretty. It was, obviously, a different time. People thought different, they were a product of their environment. As we are. But let's be careful about how willing we are to destroy our past, lest it be forgotten. There are valuable lessons to be learned from our past.

Think I'm overreacting? Look up ISIS and it's destruction of historical sites. Shameful and sad, and irrevocable. People will protest the destruction of history on the other side of the world, but I'm afraid they are missing what is right under their noses.

Freedom of Religion

I have nothing against religion. Personally, I don't believe in it. Religion is man made. It is the interpretation of whatever holy book that particular religion ascribes to. Usually, I take a live and let live attitude towards religion. However, recent events have raised my hackles. Before I go further, I will apologize to the large majority of the faithful. This is not about you, this is about that loud minority.

I have seen so many stories about people complaining that their religious freedom is being squashed, mostly, lately, because other people gained the right of marriage. Tonight, I saw a picture from a church that was flying the Christian flag above the American flag, because they explained God comes first. This is such a gigantic...what? I can't find words. Well, I found some, I'm just trying not to use them.

I have an idea.

If you want religious freedom, pay taxes. Be free from the special circumstances allowed to you be a government that you disrespect.

That's my 2 cents.

Reciting without meaning.

The original Pledge of Allegiance was short and simple:

I pledge allegiance to my Flag and the Republic for which it stands, one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all. 

It was written by a Socialist, as I understand it, to sell more flags. He considered using the word, equality, but knew that, at the time, women and blacks were not considered equal. The original salute to the flag looked a lot like what you see the Nazis doing, arm out stretched. The hand over the heart didn't show up until the 1940's.

In 1923, someone decided that it needed to be clarified which flag a person was pledging to:

 I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands, one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

President Eisenhower changed the Pledge to differentiate us from Godless Communists. Probably the addition that has caused the most issues. The current day Pledge:

 I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

There is a lot of amazing history out there, if you just look. The original Pledge was written in 1892. It has had it's controversies, including school children being expelled for not saluting and reciting the Pledge. So much for liberty for all. 

I'll get to my point here. I would think every adult that has grown up in this country, would know these words. It was purposely written to be simple. It was written for children. With liberty and justice for all. 

Liberty--the state of being free within society from oppressive restrictions imposed by authority on one's way of life, behavior, or political views.

Justice--The quality of being just; fairness: In the interest of justice, we should treat everyone the same.

So many things we get wrapped up in and argue about, when we've been promising since we were children that we would not oppress others. Our country was built on the premise of liberty and justice for all. You'd think after all these years that we would understand what that means.