So, it's New Year Eve

But I've already written my piece about that.

I have one of those nagging things on my mind...simply because a Christmas card fell from where it was tapped up. It bothers me because it made me think of something else that once fell from my wall. I had a memento, from my grandfather's funeral, hanging on the wall of my bedroom. It had been there for quiet some time. Then one day it fell. Mom replaced it several times and it continued to fall off the wall. Mom gave up trying to replace it and laid it on top of my dresser. A few days later my other grandfather, my mom's dad, died. The memento never went back on the wall.

So tonight when the card fell, I had a bad feeling. The card is exactly where it landed. I haven't tried to put it back up. If it were to fall again...

End of...

2012 is slowly winding down.

It has not been one of my best years, nor has it been one of my worst.

I lost a job, but found one I like better...only to be sold to another company before even making it out of orientation. I start with them January 1. I am a bit concerned about the outcome...only the new year will tell. I need to not be so emotionally invested in my job.

In the new year, 13 friends are heading to Mexico. Hopefully, 13 friends will return from Mexico. It isn't 24/7, but it is close.

It appears, about mid-year, 2013 will bring us another grandchild.

I hope for the new year...

for everyone to be happily, and steadily, employed.
to have an amazing vacation with my husband, non-biological family and friends.
that my eldest son can find the house he's shopping for, to make a home of his own.
to have a healthy grandson/daughter.
that the people I love will be healthy and happy. If they can not have want they want, that they have what they need...and the knowledge to know the difference. And most of all, may they..and I, find contentment.

Confrontational

I hate when someone says something that I find offensive, and I am really sure they did not mean to offend. Today, that comment was made while a mother was admiring the terrific adult that their child had become.  A great sentiment, no doubt. Except the mom said, "I figured, given my parenting, she'd be goth or something." This implies that there is something wrong with being goth. It is so hard for me not to ask, "Would it be so terrible is she were goth and still a great human being?" I would find this statement offensive if she'd used a lot of different words there...republican, democrat, atheist, Christian. She made a statement that she figured the child would go wrong and threw a group of people to the wolves as an example. This bothers me. This was a written statement in a public forum. Which makes it even worse, to me. Maybe because writing gives a person a better opportunity to carefully measure and select their words. I don't want to call her out and make her uncomfortable. I don't even know her that well and I really do not think that she meant a slight to my goth friends. Contrary to popular belief, I am not always confrontational. That is why I have a blog, so that I can rant and rave and get things off my chest without causing harm to others.

But in the process of writing this, I have tried to rephrase that statement into something acceptable and find myself inserting...

crazy
homeless
bum
druggie
alcoholic

These all seem like better "bad" options. These words are generally accepted as being bad...but they are still people. Is it okay because they are less...what? Socially valued? Goths are not socially valued by all, neither are atheist...or Republicans?

I guess it all depends on the angle in which you are viewing life and what you value.

Christmas 2012

Here I sit, alone, on Christmas Eve. The family has wandered off to bed or other pursuits. My tree is lit up all bright, with a few remaining gifts set beneath it. I am reminded of Christmases (As wrong as that looks, I checked, that is the proper plural of Christmas) past. Maybe it was watching the last half of A Christmas Carol. Anyway...

When my children were small, Santa did not wrap Christmas presents. An old friend and I once discussed this...apparently traditions are different about whether they are wrapped or not. So anyway, again...once the boys were tucked securely into bed and all possible water and potty excuses were exhausted, we would set about assembling and displaying around the tree. Then my husband would head off to bed, much like tonight, and I would sleep on the couch to protect the loot. The boys would rise at the crack of dawn, but they were not allowed in the living room until Daddy was present.

Those were fun years...though I will gladly climb into my nice warm bed tonight.

Well, since I have done Christmas past, why not Christmas present? Or maybe Christmas presents. I miss gifts. Not the actual getting, but the mystery and the anticipation. My husband and I have stopped trying to guess what the other wants. We now plan a yearly vacation and call it a year.

And like Scrooge, I fear the spirit of what is yet to be the most. There are many things we can not change, no matter how we keep the Christmas spirit in our hearts.

But on to bigger and better things...

It is almost Christmas Day. I wish everyone a happy heart, the company of family and friends and most of all contentment.

Merry Christmas

Lost stories

I have been searching my blog for once told stories, I know I have written these things...or thought I had. So either my mind has wandered further afield than I thought or the search engine sucks.

I was looking for my version of the Night before Christmas and the story of Christmas Adam.

Alas neither are to be found. =(

Violence

We've had two more mass shootings recently. The one at the elementary school is just beyond belief. So many lives lost...so many children. There are so many thoughts and emotions running around inside my head...anger, grief, frustration, shock, disbelief. Heartache. Surely, everyone feels that. There are so many feelings and thoughts I could explore, but since I don't want to sit here in an emotional basket, I'm going to address something that annoys me. Blaming the parents. How can someone say the parents are to blame? Maybe it's because I have dealt too personally with people with mental issues...and it is the people closest that should be able to see, but are the least likely to believe, a person capable of such atrocities. The emotional attachments color what you see in their behavior. As I said, this comes from experience. And it isn't that you think that person is perfect, noooo, you know they are broken, but they'd never...until they do.

I am a mom. I had parents. My parents tried to raise me right, as I did my children. I'd guess most people would agree that their parents tried. But how many can say that they never, ever, did anything that their parents would have disapproved of? Never? Really? If not, you have lived a very sheltered life, or your parents were really liberal. I have to snicker at that comment, now that I think about it...my grandmother threw a fit because I went to Sunday school at a Baptist church when WE were Catholic. It seems it's an adult's job to disapprove of children's behavior and it is a child's job to test the limits of their imposed boundaries. If parents had absolute control of their children's behavior the world would be a perfect place full of quiet, polite, people. The world would be a dull place and we'd still be living in the stone age.

You can blame a parent when a toddler is running rampant in a restaurant. That parent should exercise control and teach the child preferred behavior. But once a child hits a certain age, where independence and freedom from constant supervision is reached, a parent can only hope that what they have taught their child will prevail in decision making.

I will also add that it is not easy to get help with mental health issues. Being a nurse, I have seen this from the inside. It is difficult to get a child into inpatient care. There are not enough beds. In emergency situations, read that as life threatening, I have seen them put a kid on a mattress, on the floor. Not an ideal situation. I hate to make the comparison, but a child in a psych facility is like have a petty criminal in prison. They learn from the more experienced and mimic their peers. As an adult, the situation is not much better. It is very difficult to have an adult committed against their will. And when you do, it's usually only for 72 hours.

I don't have the answers. There are no easy answers. There is also no easy culprit. You can't blame the gun, it's an inanimate object, a paperweight, until held in a hand. And on that note, I will say there is a difference in gun control and gun banishment. Every argument I hear, sounds like they are the same. Maybe it is the violence in today's entertainment. But there were killers long before video games. I just get tired of hearing the parents getting the blame. One of the things I do blame, is news. There is no quicker way to get famous, infamous maybe...but do they care about the difference? Their name and face are spread around the globe. I can't help visualizing some disturbed kid, sitting alone, thinking, they'll all know who I am when I am done. They'll all know my name. They'll never forget. The news needs to quit making these killers into celebrities.

Odd thoughts

I sometimes think I have odd thoughts, or go about looking at stuff from bizarre angles. A good example of this might be my thoughts about my blanket. Yes, blanket...that warm thing you sleep under. But there is the rub. The blanket is not warm, unless it's electric. A blanket on a bed has no warmth, it's just a piece of cloth. If it was warm, the sheets wouldn't be so cold when you slide in. What is warm, is you. The blanket simply traps that heat to keep you warm. This, is what I think about while snuggled down in bed waiting for sleep.

Odd?

I'm going to whine

.

^^^That period is all that was left when I deleted the entire post that went along with that title.

I wrote a paragraph and decided I didn't want to write about that. No whining, bellyaching, crying or other forms of mournful blustering. For all the little annoyances and a few slightly larger ones, life is good. Not perfect. Nobody ever promised perfect, except maybe in fairy tales, but, then, I've always been more a Grimm's type of girl.


I feel a need to write. What part of me needs to be examined, or is it just boredom? So here I am debating subjects. Searching my brain for those little sparks that have yet to be explored. Unfortunately, those tiny bits of ideas die quickly in the forward rush of everyday life if not set down someplace for safekeeping.

I need to find my sense of humor first. That is when I like to write, when something is tickling my bizarre sense of amusement.

Not tonight apparently.

Popular is bad?

I've had a thought pinging around inside my head recently and I can't quite...think it through. So, here I am, putting fingers to keyboard.

It seems to me, that when something becomes wildly popular, there are certain people (a certain group, type, mindset?) that feel the need to ridicule it. Several things come to mind. I have always been confused by the hatred of Nickleback. Typically, you either like or dislike music. Buy it or not. But there seems to be a group of people that feel the need to express their hatred of the band...vehemently. And as best as I can tell, it isn't based on anything.

Next is the Twilight series. Yes, I read them. All four of them, back to back, in 11 days. They are fluff. Easy reads, written for adolescent girls. I do not like the idea of sparkly vampires, it goes against everything I think of when it comes to a vampire. There were times when Bella became so needy and annoying I wanted to strangle her. And I actually threw one of the books down with annoyance...but I finished it. I have even watched the movies, even after how horrible the first one was. Twilight is not the only fluff books I have read...nor has it been the worst movies. Twilight has a huge following and therefore it has haters. Again, I don't quite understand the vehemence. Nobody is making you read the books or watch the movies. Do you feel smarter because you have not succumbed to the fluff? Do you need to take a stand to prove you are smarter than the average teenage girl?

There are others, but I think you get my point.

You know, if you feel the need to climb up on a soap box to declare your outrage, to prove your intellect or to redirect society, I think you could find a more suitable topic to expend your energy on.

It's all about focus.

I feel better.