Opening the door

I have a grumble. A thought that keeps recurring about something that bothers me...quite a bit actually. I keep thinking about how to open that door. How to say what is on my mind without it all going horribly wrong, as it often does. That is the problem with speaking your mind, it allows others the freedom to do the same. Sometimes this allows all kind of little nasties out of the bottle....some of which, will fight like hell to prevent being stuffed back in like they never existed.

Sometimes, no matter how you rearrange the words, it comes out sounding like an accusation. Accusations lead to defensiveness. Defensiveness leads to arguments. Arguments lead to nothing gets accomplished. And I am back to grumbling about something that bothers me...a lot.

Discovery

I am in a constant state of discovery about myself and the world around me. I would like to think this is true of most people, but sadly it is not so. Some people live in a very small world following the same trajectory day after day. For whatever reason their orbit never changes and life travels fast and soon they are left behind.

After such grand thoughts, here are a few recent discoveries...

I can never be suspicious because I find a wayward hair, no matter what color it is.

I own five pair of identical pants, except color. Three of them are various shades of khaki...light, dark, olive. The other two...brown and black. I am not an exciting dresser.

I washed laundry and had 3 unmatched socks.

The advantage to tinted car windows is nobody can see in. The disadvantage to tinted car windows is nobody can see in. This being based on what is going on inside the car.

Aren't you glad I shared?

Dumpster diving

I was on Facebook recently, jumping from profile to profile through friends of friends of friends. I came across a profile that made me wonder how sad this persons life must be. A profile that they themselves had designed to represent something about who they are, where they've been or even where they are going. Their "About me" listed the high school they graduated from. This person graduated high school 30 years ago. I guess it is true, some people never find better glory days.

Self perception and comfort zone

Recently I was invited to a birthday party. The guest of honor, the birthday boy himself, had requested a goth theme. Easy enough for me to do. I had not had an opportunity to pull out my favorite goth gear in a while and found myself very excited at the prospect. Eventually, I found myself in a long black skirt, slit to the hip, black combat style boots, black lace sleeveless shirt and fishnet stockings...add pale makeup, dramatic eyes and black lipstick. This outfit was comfortable, like a long lost friend.

As we headed out to the party, my husband looked me up and down and mentioned we were going to have to stop at a store to pick up supplies. I assured him that I was not concerned about walking into a store dressed as I was. So of course he picked a tiny, little, locally owned, grocery. As soon as I stepped from the car, I knew heads were swiveling. I held my head up, looking straight forward, smiled and paid them no mind. I was perfectly comfortable.

Next stop, a little neighborhood liquor store. The reaction of the men as I walked through the doors made me smile even brighter. This was not the place we usually shop...as they have almost gotten used to some of the outfits, purple wigs, etc that I have been known to wear for events. As I made my purchase, the man behind the counter wished me a fine evening three times.

Today, I crawled out of bed, destination...grocery store. I grabbed a summer dress that I normally only wear around the house. It is brightly colored (for me), patterned and best of all very comfortable. It slides down the body as if you are wearing nothing. I have never worn this dress past the boundaries of my yard. It is comfortable to wear, but I am not comfortable in it. I walked into Kroger and immediately felt like everyone was staring. I felt the need to be smaller, less noticeable, even though I was wearing a more socially accepted, bought at Target, dress.

It's all about being where you are comfortable.

In the beginning...

Vampires are everywhere...the beastie du jour. Zombies are creatures of the midnight movie. A fairy greets you at the beginning of everything Disney. Elves abound. Little girls dream of unicorns...and big boys dream of mermaids. We are surrounded by stories of these creatures of myth.

Listen carefully as I tell you a story about the creatures that are real, not just those that go bump in the night...but those that walk in the light. The movement you sense, when no one is there. The shadow that raises goosebumps and sends you scurrying away. The cold chill in a warm room. They are among us, you feel them, catch glimpses and explain it all away...to save yourself and your sanity.

But what if...they took form?

Recent encounters

To the person in the Mommy van that took the shoulder in a screeching, rock sliding halt, rather than making both of your vehicles significantly shorter...thank you.

To the guy on the motorcycle that popped a wheelie and rode it down the highway, cool stunt...but your an idiot.

To the guy that said he bet I'd be beautiful if I smiled...nope, it just changes the way I look.

A bargain?

I heard an advertisement on the radio that said they could help you decrease the amount you owe to the IRS, if you owed $10,000 or more. Just call this toll free number. Give them your name and social security number. Go to jail, go directly to jail. Would somebody that owes the government that kind of money be stupid enough to turn themselves in? Yes, they will save you money...in exchange for jail time. Maybe I'm wrong...maybe not. Good luck with that.

Too many Y's and not enough P's and Q's

Why do I still wonder about people I have not seen or talked to in over 30 years? You cross my mind on a regular basis.

Why do I want to pick up the phone and check on a former friend, that decided she no longer wanted me to be a part of her life, when I know she could be in danger?

Why would people drive through deep water? It's called a car, not a boat, for a reason.

Why do people have affairs without considering the long term consequences? Is instant gratification so important?

Why am I always asking questions?

Why do I never get answers?

Why do I care?

Why?

Ghosts in the economy

If you turn the television on, read a paper or have any social interaction at all, you know the economy sucks. Jobless rates are through the roof and foreclosures on homes have skyrocketed. None of this is news. Drive through any subdivision and count the "SALE" signs or overgrown lawns. I noted this earlier in the year. I am noticing more businesses closed...some that have a long history. I know that I am not telling you anything that you have not noticed yourself. But, I may have a new one. The local (to my home) Catholic church is for sale. There is no new shiny building for the congregation, just a big yellow sign out front announcing it's for sale. I find this especially odd since church attendance usually increases in hard times. This is no little fly by night church. That church has been in that spot over 40 years...with a school, auditorium and sports fields. It's even where we vote. There always appears to be an overflow crowd at Mass...at least from the looks of the parking lot. Their summer picnic fouls local traffic for an entire weekend.

Anybody in the market to buy a church?

Karma does not exist

I have a car that I like. It isn't a fancy car or expensive...as cars go. Buy it's mine and I'd like to keep it in good shape. I am very selective about where I park. I want to avoid those people that don't seem to understand that my car door does not want to make the acquaintance of theirs. My last car was three years old when I traded it in and there were no dings, dents or scratches.

As I wish others to be respectful of my property, I try to reciprocate. One way in which I do this is making sure my shopping cart is secured when I am finished with it. That is what those little metal thingys taking up parking spaces are for...you might have seen one once.

This is how I know karma does not exist. Because I will find the errant, run away cart against MY car...parked in the north forty.

Ambiguity

I was asked why, when I posted, why the entries are often vague. This was queried by someone that happened to know the subject matter of a particular post, even though the subject was not specifically mentioned. There is a method to my madness, I mean why else be mad?

I think that by being vague, by examining the impact more so, it allows others to see themselves in my writing. I think that is more interesting than the day to day trivia of my life. By allowing others to make it personal, maybe it will give them another perspective.

But then...maybe that's just crap.